I sometimes utter words and phrases that may mystify you. Here’s where you come to get all de-mysted.

Positive Inference Model Perspective (PIMP) – states that I will infer that you’re my friend because you have done me no harm, and because I choose to believe that you intend me no harm.

It All Pays The Same (IAPTS) – I don’t get paid any less to do different aspects of my job, so I don’t bitch about having to do something I don’t like.

Idiotocracy – The ruling class of incredibly stupid people, like the Bush administration, ClearChannel, The Christian Right, and Barney.

Amsterdamians – Citizens of Amsterdam. In my world, at least.

Ni-gah – A Chinese expression meaning “you know”, usually used at the end of a sentence in conversation. It sounds like the racial epitepth, so I use it thusly.

Jonx – A prison word meaning anything. “Yo, gimme somma that jonx right der.” Like that.

Go! Bye! - An expression indicating the desire of the speaker for the listener to go someplace else, and quickly.

Repeating Concept Principle - the idea that a sentence or question must be stated an infinite number of times by a child to a parent before the parent can comprehend and respond correctly.

Meh – An expression of nothingness, of blah. It’s a nicer way of saying “whatever”.

Whatev - A shortening of “whatever”, because that “-er” is ENTIRELY too much to type.

Damiana – The mythical country over which I rule with an iron fist. And porn. And iPods.

Word mouth - An expression made by pressing your lips tight together and tilting your head to the side. Picture someone saying “Word.” and then getting into a B-Boy stance. That look on his face? That’s the word mouth.

Secret Squirrel – The art and act of secretly taking pics of someone in public for the sole purpose of later ridicule.

Bish – An alternative to saying “bitch”. Usually used when you WANT to say “bitch”, but you know that if you DO, you might find a 9 iron in your urethra.

GTFO – Get The Fuck Out.

Swayze – To leave; to depart. An older slang term from the 90s that Dark Damian sometimes uses to this day. “Yo, I’m swayze.” A reference to the movie “Ghost” starring Patrick Swayze, and a derivative of the slang term “ghost” meaning the same thing.

On the regular – Often or repeatedly.

Heffa – Heiffer.

Hormiga del fuego – Fire ant. The name I call Laurie that pisses her off.

Trifling or Triflin’ – To be annoying, difficult to deal with, or obstinate.

Seditty (suh-DIT-ee) – To be stuck up, aloof, high-maintenance, or a bitch for no reason at all. Almost always applied to females, though some males are also seditty.

N.A.D.T. – Not A Damn Thing. Usually used as a response to “What’s up?”.