I’m known as a friend to all. This is partly because I use the Positive Inference Model Perspective, as it applies to people. The Positive Inference Model Perspective, or PIMP, states that I will infer that you’re my friend because you have done me no harm, and because I choose to believe that you intend me no harm. You have to work really, really hard to remove yourself from my circle of friends. And yet, once you’re gone, you’re gone. That’s the PIMP code. Is that bad? I ask for this reason.

A guy I used to work with recently got in contact with me, via email. He and I were friends at one time, but a series of events led us to a falling out. A brief synopsis: he and I had a 3rd friend, a beautiful young woman from overseas. She was new to the country, and we all became fast friends. Eventually (and unfortunately), he took a liking to her. She represented a major fantasy and fetish for him, and he decided to basically forsake the friendship with her in an attempt to date her. Never mind the fact that she was 23 and he was in his early 50s – he had to have her. I counseled against this with him…I told him nothing good would come of it. He couldn’t deny his feelings, he said, and he went forward. She was uncomfortable with his advances, and all this was complicated by the fact that we all worked together. What he was doing bordered on sexual harassment, and I warned him of that. At this point, I was The Unifier – the bridge between two former friends. I saw both sides of the issue, I spent time with both parties, and I tried very hard to mend the fence.

Things went from bad to worse when the guy’s work began to worsen. He was never the best worker, but he was adequate. Once all this shit starting going down, he began to really slack off. On top of that, he initiated an internet search for a woman about the same age and from the same country as our friend. This guy was something else. He told me once that his fascination began in the military, when he was stationed in her home country. He called women from that country “LBFMs” or “little brown fucking machines”. He found a woman on an internet site, agreed to marry her, and brought her over from her country. After this, he laid off our friend, but his work really sucked, and subsequently he was canned. Here’s the kicker: he partially blamed ME for this. I did nothing except warn him to check himself. He sent an inflammatory email later, telling us all to drop dead. That was when I cut him loose. But now, he’s written again, and he’s all repentant and seeking forgiveness. I’m finding it very difficult to accept him again, due to my PIMP code.

Another friend of mine went through an experience where a friend of hers decided he couldn’t be friends with her anymore, due to a decision she made that he disagreed with. He later came back and said he changed his mind, and wanted to resume the friendship. Now, I’ve met the guy, and I like him. I have nothing against him, personally. But to me, friendship shouldn’t be tossed aside so cavalierly, and I took a very hard line view. At least I had enough insight to note that it was due to my particular view on friendship. But is that the wrong view?

I value my role as The Unifier. I feel like I’m good at remaining friends with people who are no longer friends, without betraying the trust of either. I like being several different people’s best friend, regardless of the emotional burden it can often carry. I like that I can befriend a person, and also befriend that person’s friends to the point that I no longer need the original friend to be a liaison between us. And I like the fact that damn near anyone can become my friend, with minimal effort. This is not a complaint or a self-congratulatory statement…merely an observation. But with all that, shouldn’t I be more tolerant of people who ask for forgiveness?

Peace.

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