This is, quite possibly, the saddest thing I’ve read in at least 3 or 4 days.

Star Wars geeks

Lining up to see any movie is just about the dumbest shit I can think of, except for the United Healthcare commercial where the guy puts on a fake lion head and starts fucking with a pride of real lions. Or those awful Burger King commercials with that plasticized Burger King dude standing out side people’s windows, handing them breakfast, big-ass fake smile on his plastic face. If I saw that oversized lawn jockey outside my window, I’d pull him inside, beat him with a mop handle, and call 911 to report an intruder. Alright, so I’m watching TV while writing this. Fuck you. I’m doing this for you, you ingrate.

Back to the Star Wars geeks. Someone please explain to me the phenomenon of standing in line for MONTHS to see a damn movie. Please. This isn’t a new thing, but I’ve always been completely baffled by it. Who are these people that have nothing better to do than to line up outside a movie theaters for weeks or even months, just to see a movie? Movies are not unrenewable resources, like live concerts are – those movies will play at countless theaters for numerous weeks, and even if you miss the thing on theaters because you were watching a “Stargate: SG-1” marathon on Sci-Fi, you can buy the damn thing on DVD when it comes out. In economics, high demand is generally accompanied by scarcity (translation: the less there is of something, the more people want it), but a movie is the least scarce thing there is, with the possible exception of beard hair from Muslim extremists. Therefore, obviously something else is the motivation. Check out this quote from the story:

The telling thing is — for me, at least — if the film is not playing at the Chinese … I have zero desire to see it at all,” a fan who calls himself Obi Geewhyen posted on the message board at Liningup.net. “I’m in it for the lineup only and don’t give a darn about the conclusion of this lackluster, so-called ‘Star Wars’ series.”

Altogether now: what the hell? So, this guy isn’t in line for the movie – he’s in line to be in line?? Um, I’m no psychologist, and therefore I don’t know the textbook definition of psychosis, but I’m pretty sure “standing in line for the sake of standing in line” is mentioned at least twice. What happens if Fox moves the movie to this theater, and Darth Dorkus gets the chance to buy a ticket and see it? Will he just say “Nah, I’m good” and walk back home? Does he earn mad props and street cred for being in line for a couple of months, even though he may not get to see the movie at all? Moreover, how do these people sustain themselves? These aren’t all teenagers and college kids – there are some straight-up adults there arguing about who’s Jango Fett costume is more authentic. Don’t they have jobs? I can’t see going to my boss and saying “Hey, I need about a 2 or 3 month leave of absense so I can go stand in line to see this movie – a movie that will be played repeatedly on multiple screens in numerous theaters for several weeks in every major city, and most minor ones too.”

I’ve stood in line for concert tickets. That’s different. Generally speaking, concerts are only in your town for 1 day, 2 days tops, and they’re only doing one show. See, that’s scarcity. By and large, the adults aren’t dressed as their favorite member of the band (unless it’s a KISS concert), and if that concert wasn’t taking place, those people in line would very likely have something better to do. These Star Wars fans have been waiting for years, striking days off their Chewbacca calendars, for the golden opportunity to…wait. They’ve been waiting for the opportunity to be the first to wait some more, and these idiots aren’t even waiting at the right fucking place! Oh well – I’ll have ’em save me a spot for “Men In Black 3”.

Peace.

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