You know, I used to think that “crazy” was reserved for truly twisted individuals like serial killers and people who watch “Battlefield Earth” more than once. But the more I watch the news, the more I realize that Crazy is the new Cool. Seems like everbody is going insane. However, there’s a fine line between “Crazy” and “Stupid”. Stupid is far more commonplace. Let me take you on a journey.

Evidence A: Stupidity Can Transform Into Crazy

Ok, so I get that the wife reeeeeeeeeeeeallly didn’t want her husband (convicted of nothing less than sexual assault, may I add) to go to prison. After all, who would help her drink those cases of Milwaukee’s Best they stole from her cousin’s wedding reception/start of hunting season party? Who would help her manage the $50 worth of scratch-offs? And (hold on, lemme wipe this tear), who would tip her at her job dancing the lunch shift at Hooters ‘n’ Cooters? But damn, to go dig up a dead body and burn it in an attempt to keep Mr. Perfect out of prison, with the added perk of collecting on his $110,000 insurance policy? That’s a bit much. But the thing is, I would still grant some grudging respect for this crime if they had done it right. Here’s where the stupid comes in (you might wanna tell your I.Q. to step out of the room – it might decrease just from reading this):

A few weeks later, Molly Daniels introduced “Jake Gregg,” her new boyfriend, to their children, ages 4 and 1.

He looked a lot like Clayton Daniels but had dyed black hair. Investigators say Molly Daniels also had forged documents to create a new identity for him, including a fake birth certificate and a Texas drivers’ license.

So, instead of having this clown disappear and run off to Mexico or South America or Tempe, AZ, he just goes somewhere, hangs out for a while doing God knows what, and comes back…with dyed hair? Come on, man! Wouldn’t the kids, as young as they are, still recognize their own father? And what the hell did they tell the kids, anyway? Surely not the truth – so instead, they were told their father’s “gone to heaven”, then he returns as Jake Gregg, and now he’s gone again. Those poor kids. Someone pre-book them on Dr. Phil. And then there’s this nugget:

Investigators had been suspicious from the start. The accident scene had no skid marks or signs of a high-speed crash. The hottest spot of the fire was the driver’s seat, and charcoal lighter fluid had been used as a fire accelerant.

Apparently they don’t watch “CSI”. This is the result of her weeks of “meticulous” research on the internet? Lighter fluid? I guess Google is no substitute for real knowledge, huh? Now, instead of his dumb ass going to jail for maybe 5 years, they’re BOTH going to jail for 20. Nice work, Da Vinci and Einstein!

Vasquez said he couldn’t explain why anyone who went to such great lengths to mislead investigators would stay in their home where they could be so easily discovered. But he said the fact that they didn’t leave proves that their motive wasn’t insurance fraud, he said.

No, the fact that they didn’t leave proves they’re fuckwits.

 

Evidence B: Stupid and Crazy are Often Confused. This is Stupid…

Guess he had to do laundry. No further comment is necessary.

Evidence C: …And This is Crazy

OK, so lemme see if I got this straight. The pastor of this church wanted his congregation to support George Double-Duh Bush in last year’s election. OK, I actually have no problem with that. Pastors usually have the pulse of their communities, and wanting people to support one candidate or another usually has advantages for the aforementioned community. That’s fine. Then he goes on to say that anyone who supports Kerry needed to leave the church. Uh-huh. A bit extreme, but hey, the outer fringe of the Right can be that way (so can the outer fringe of the Left, to be fair. I’m Centrist. We have no fringes).

So the election happens, Goofy wins again. Crisis averted, right? Apparently the pastor wasn’t convinced by the narrow margin of victory. So last week, he spearheaded a movement to oust 9 members because they exercised their inalienable right to vote for whomever they choose. So much for the Christian spirit. It’s shit like that that makes the majority of American conservative christians look like idiots, when it’s just a small minority that commits this type of idiocy. The sad thing is, this guy probably truly thinks that he did the right thing, and those people he kicked out (and those who left in protest) are stupid or Satan’s manicurists or something.Or hey, maybe he’s getting a kickback from the GOP.

This is “crazy”, people. Yes, I realize that there are people out there who commit heinous acts upon their fellow man…these people are also crazy, although in a different department of that Super Wal-Mart. This is the more insidious type of crazy…the crazy you can’t see. The crazy that hides behind the mask of religion or politics or academicia or any other social construct. I’d like to be there when he has to ‘splain himself to God. He better hope God’s not a Democrat. He might get himself ousted. (Personally, I think God’s a socialist, but I’m not EVEN getting into that right now.)

Peace.

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