I’ve posted before about my disdain for overmedication. I’m staunchly against people popping happy pills just for the sake of popping them. Since I’ve got a whole post about this, I’ll skip over the whole of my argument – you’ll just have to read it yourself.

No, this is an addendum to that post. You see, despite all my ranting and raving, regardless of the fact that I spent much time railing against the psychiatric community for passing out pills like M&Ms, I did the unthinkable:

I started taking ADD medication.

I know, I know….pot, meet kettle. I’m willing to eat my words. I find them to be as bitter and acidic as a disgruntled comedian’s urine. I went through a period where I went through a noticeable decline in my ability to focus and follow through with tasks and assignments, particularly at work. With my son being diagnosed as ADHD, and hearing that the condition can sometimes be hereditary (if not genetic), I knew the symptoms, so I started seeing my son’s psychiatrist (which sounds dirty, but isn’t). She first prescribed me Concerta, which worked great the first couple of days. It felt like someone put a filter in my brain, blocking out all stray thoughts, as though they were voices that were now silenced. I could lock onto a task like an stealth bomber locks onto a weapons factory, and little could steer me off of it. Plus, Concerta is a stimulant, meaning I could sell it on the black market, if that was something that blew my skirt up. Sadly, that laser-guided focus faded after Day 3, and even after increasing my dosage, I got nil.

Along came Strattera, the wonder drug. Non-stimulant (dammit), and it stays with you for 24 hours. Great! And when I took it, I could feel it, man. It was like I switched from a candle to a Maglite. And I didn’t have to lock onto any one task – I could swing that beam around to whatever I wanted. It’s all good. But a word to the wise: read the side effects very carefully.

You see, just about every medication lists the same possible side effects nowadays, and the majority of people who take them never feel anything. You tend to read those warnings like “Yeah, yeah, OK, headaches, nausea, whatever.” And you go on about your day. Check out this list, and see if you can spot the one that decided to fuck with me.

The most common side effects of STRATTERA used in adults are:

  • constipation
  • dry mouth
  • nausea
  • decreased appetite
  • dizziness
  • problems sleeping
  • problems urinating
  • menstrual cramps
  • sexual side effects

Let’s take ’em one by one, ’cause that’s much more fun, plus it’s all dramatic and shit.
Constipation – No. I’m good.
Dry Mouth – Not so much, but I drink loads of water anyway.
Nausea – Nope.
Decreased Appetite – Yes, but I consider this to be a good thing, since I’m trying to drop a few pounds and look even sexier than usual.
Problems Sleeping – Nope. I sleep like a baby. A baby that sleeps really, really well.
Problems Urinating – No, my stream is strong.
Menstrual Cramps – If I take my Midol, I’m all set.
Sexual Side EffectsBINGO!

Yup. There’s no lead in the pencil when I’m on this shit. So guess what – away it goes. I’ll deal with the distraction. By no means is this a call for everyone to stop taking their meds. Some of you really need it. But for me, for whom ADD is a nuisance I can work around, I’ll take my chances.