Crystal tagged me with this atrocious BTD (Blogually Transmitted Disease), and I think I’m contractually obligated to both tell you about it, and pass it on to others. Oh well – it beats Lyme’s Disease. Barely.

10 years ago – 23, out of college, unable to find work in my field. Settled for working 3rd shift in the tool crib at GE. Let me tell you – a tool crib is not where an aspiring technical writer wants to be, especially at 3am on a Wednesday morning. I’ve mentioned this lovely job in a previous posting.

5 years ago – Working for my current employer, only in a different state – about 3 months before my employer dropped the “move to Dallas or find another job” bomb on me, and 2 months before I closed on a 2 bedroom condo near the office. See, I lived roughly 80 miles from work, and after driving those 80 miles daily, I decided that that sucked, and I purchased a condo near the office to sleep at a couple nights a week. Silly me. It took me over a year to sell that albatross, and eventually it went to a man who owned some porn stores. Serendipity, anyone?

1 year ago – Pretty much the same thing I’m doing now. I was prepping for our big move from The City to The Country, where our dogs would be free to run and frolic, and avoid hungry coyotes. The coyotes here are quite friendly, actually. A couple of weeks ago, as my 6YO was checking the mail for me (hell yeah, I make him work. It’s good for him. And me.), a coyote walked up to him, sniffed him, and licked his hand. Now, I was oblivious to this, because I was still in the car (it was hot!) and was jamming to something on the radio. When he said “Hey Dad, this dog is friendly!”, I looked out and nearly defecated gold bullion.

Me: “Get in the car.”
Him: “Why?”
Me: “Get. In. The. Car. Right. Now. Now. Now.”
Him: “But I’m petting-”
Me: “Getyourlittlebuttinthecarrightnow!!!”
Him (sulking): “Ok. But it’s not a car, it’s a Jeep.”
Me: “Yeah, and that’s not a dog, it’s a coyote.”
Him: “Oh.”

That’s it. No shock, no surprise. Gotta love the kids. Now where was I?

Yesterday – Went to the chiropractor to get my neck looked at. I had a gig Sunday night, and I think I head-thrashed too hard during the set. That’s a sure sign of getting old – I can’t rock out like I used to. At least the gig went well, except for when an American flag inadvertently landed on the floor, an oversight that we…oversighted. There was some mild outrage, but we repaired the damage, and ended up with a kick-ass show. If you’re here in Dallas or nearby, check us out : Nonetheless

5 snacks I enjoy – Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, and Little Debbie Snack Cakes.

5 songs I know all the words to – “Sober” – Tool, “He’s The DJ, I’m The Rapper” – Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince (pre-Will Smith), “Let’s Go Crazy” – Prince, “Piano Man” – Billy Joel, and “I Go To Work” – Kool Moe Dee.

5 things I would do with $100 million – Oooooh, my.
1. Give William Hung $2 million to never sing again.
2. Buy an island.
3. Pay off all my bills (to make room for the new ones).
4. Hire Kobe Tai as my personal assistant.
5. Pay for the divorce I’d get for hiring Kobe Tai as my personal assistant.

5 places I’d run away to – Hmmm. Let’s see…Hawaii, Las Vegas, the Cayman Islands, Manila, and South Carolina (to get some authentic chicken bog. God, I miss chicken bog.

5 things I would never wear – a suit with sandals, anything from Ambercrummy and Bitch, a platinum medallion, gold fronts (teeth), and jelly shoes.
5 favorite TV shows – Like Crystal, my TV is bound to Cartoon Network, Boomerang, and Nick, so I’m bombarded by cartoonage (which I enjoy, so no worries). But I really like The Closer, Streetball, Stargate SG-1, any Law and Order show, and Adult Swim cartoons.

5 biggest joys – An easy one. One and two are my two kids, three is my wife acting silly (especially when she used to try speaking sign language to our deaf cat), four is my music, and five is bacon. I’ll never forget you, bacon. Never.

5 favorite toys – Hmmmmmmm. My Playstation 2, my son’s Gameboy Advance SP, Legos, my newest bass guitar effect pedal, and Magnetix. Those things kick ass.

5 people I cyber-hump and pass this BTD on to: Kristine, Mona, Fyrchk, Britni, and Calin. Was it as good for you as it was for me, ladies?

Peace.

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