This is one of my favorite things to do. I’m gonna post some interesting news stories, and then comment on them. (This is what I do when I’ve got no material, and don’t wanna get heavy and discuss the hurricane.) Enjoy!

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LOS ANGELES - When a customer at the Dream Girls Cabaret
refused a lap dance from a topless dancer, the stripper
pulled out a knife and stabbed him. Lawanda Dixon was
arrested for assault with a deadly weapon after the alter-
cation with Melik Jordan early on Wednesday. "He was in the
club with some friends watching the shows when she came up
and asked if he wanted a lap dance," San Diego police Det.
Gary Hassen said. "He said no, she got upset about it, they
argued back and forth. She pulled knife out of her bag and
stabbed him."

Holy shit. What did Melik say to Lawanda, “white girls only”? “Your ass is too big”? He must’ve said something truly foul to make her pull out a knife and cut him. Usually dancers are only about the money, and if ol’ Melik didn’t want her company, she’d move on to the next guy. Here’s how I figure it went:

Lawanda: “Hey baby, want a dance?”
Melik: “No thanks, not right now.”
L: (slightly offended) “What’s wrong, I’m not your type?”
M: “Nah, I’m just chillin’ right now.”
L: (getting mad): “Oh, I get it. I’m not PRETTY enough for your country ass!”
M: (getting pissed): “Look, I just wanna sit here, ok? Now go shake your ass for someone else.”
L: (Losing her shit): “I bet if I was WHITE you’d let me dance for you, you li’l bitch!”
M: “Probably. You’d at least shut the hell up then.”

And that’s when she stabbed him. Poor Melik. I bet the story he told his girlfriend was very, very different.

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NEW ZEALAND - Hastings police say that a 19-year-old thief   
is lucky to be alive. The cops were called to a farm around   
2 a.m., after a man was seen trying to steal gasoline from   
a vehicle. However, the thief had a flaw in his brilliant   
plan. He was using a cigarette lighter to see what he was   
doing. The flame got a little to close to the gas fumes and   
the car went up in flames. The man was lucky that he didn't   
blow himself up, say police. He has been charged with theft.  

He needs to be charged with unmetered stupidity. Where did he learn how to be a thief, from the “Home Alone” movies? Who doesn’t know that gas + open flame = charbroiled Charlie? This is when I wish automatic sterilization for stupidity was a law. This guy needs to never procreate.

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EDISON, N.J. - A New Jersey adult store that once sent 100
sex toys to Iraqi women has launched a food drive offering
free porn in exchange for canned food. Playtime in Edison,
N.J., conducted "Operation Vibration" last year to help the
"suppressed" women of Iraq and its latest effort, "Food 4
Porn" seeks to help the needy closer to home, the Newark
Star-Ledger reports. "There are people starving in the U.S.
It's abominable, it's just not right," Playtime owner
Deirdre Krasner told the Star-Ledger. However, Krasner said,
her effort to change the image of porn shops is not being
welcomed by everyone. Several area charities refused her
offer of canned food, she said.

Now, this burns me up. Unlike the last story. Here you have a store owner who has gone out of her way to help out people in need, and the charities are turning her away simply because she runs a porn store! Porn doesn’t make corn any less filling. Jenna Jameson isn’t gonna jump out of a can of soup. She’s not slipping dildos into the baked beans. She worked out a plan to help others, and now these high-and-mighty charities are refusing her perfectly-edible food, all because of its origin. This is pathetic. They don’t have to advertise where they got the food, do they? They just have to give to the needy. And now, as a result, people in need – such as the Katrina victims – have that much less to eat because these prudes were too prim to accept charitable items from a person who runs a perfectly legal business. If you don’t wanna accept donations from drug dealers, gun runners, or mobsters, I understand. But I bet you that if Smith and Wesson offered up some canned goods, they’d snatch it up quicker than a toddler grabs a cookie. Last time I checked, porn never killed anyone.

I swear, our society is so screwed up sometimes. You’ve heard about the big stink with the Grand Theft Auto game by now, I assume. There’s a hidden sex scene in the game, and parents went INSANE – which, by the way, they should. But here’s the thing: why weren’t they equally or more insane about the drive-by shootings in the game? Me, I love me some ultra-violent videogames, and I’d be extremely upset if they were removed from the market wholesale. And when I play, I’m a good parent about it, and I don’t let my kids play or even watch me play them. So why the stink, then? Hell, the game’s already rated M for Mature. Is seeing two consenting, animated adults have sex SO MUCH WORSE than seeing two consenting, animated adults shoot each other in the face? An M rating means you have to be 18 to own and play these games. So why are adults going nuts? Because they buy the M rated games for their young kids anyway, without bothering to see what they’re about. These are the same parents who let their kids watch R rated movies, and don’t understand why little Suzy said “shit” in school today, and want to blame any and everything other than themselves for it. Makes me nuts. There’s a game out right now called “187”. For those who don’t know, 187 is the police code for a homicide. Basically, the game is all about killing…whoever. This game is ok to be on the market, as is. God forbid there be a game about hooking up. It would never see the light of day.

Peace.

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