You’ve all seen this scenario, especially on TV: a smoking hot woman coupled with a guy who looks like he should be fixing a leaky faucet or charging you too much to replace your alternator. And you ask yourself the same question every time: Why? How? How is it that this balding, pudgy, doughy-looking dude end up with a woman who could conceivably model for a living? Let us examine this phenomenon.

Let’s take two popular sitcoms, for starters. According To Jim and The King of Queens both epitomize this seemingly unrealistic setup, pairing Jim Belushi and Kevin James, two portly, non-hot guys with Courtney Thorne-Smith and Leah Remini, two total hotties. (Oh, Leah, you minx.) These guys have hit the relationship jackpot as it pertains to physical attraction, and they behave like ineffectual, boorish louts without any trace of jealousy or insecurity directed toward their hot wives. It’s not just restricted to the sitcom world….there’s a Geico commercial, for example, where the dopey husband is reading the paper at the dinner table, and his hot wife comes out wearing a nice evening dress, asking him if she looks fat in that outfit. (Ladies, never do this. Never, ever. It puts us guys in a precarious position, especially if you really do look fat in that dress. See, we want to have sex with you later, and we have no idea how to answer this question without endangering the potential poontang (or poonanny, depending on your alliterative preferences.)) Even in real life, I’m sure you know someone, some goofy-ass dude with about as much game as an epileptic Steve Urkel, who has somehow snagged an extra from The O.C. How in the hell does this happen? Let’s explore:

  1. Insecurity. Not on the guy’s part, but on the girl’s. Make that raging insecurity. Sometimes very attractive women, despite their obvious attributes, feel inadequate or undeserving, and the dopey guy has the opportunity to swoop in, show them some real attention and affection that perhaps extends beyond “nice rack”, and land themselves a prize catch. The downside is that these women may also have other issues, and those lucky guys are now the lovely recipient of some brand new baggage. Some girls have so much baggage, it’s luggage.
  2. Inapproachability. I have this friend Karla who I’ve known since college. Karla is gorgeous. Tall, statuesque, olive-toned, shapely, and she’s one of the smartest and sweetest people I know. And she’s very secure. But she had all sorts of trouble getting dates in college because of her beauty. Guys were too intimidated, afraid of the rejection that they just knew was coming. The only guys with enough confidence to consistently approach her were short, Napoleonic guys with no shame and even less to lose. For them, she had a very standard response: (holding her hand at about breast level) “You must be at least THIS tall to get on this ride.” Too damn funny.
  3. Good luck. Sometimes, a guy just gets lucky. Hot chick just broke up with her equally-hot-but-emotionally-distant boyfriend, and karmic timing allows Goofball to take advantage of this job opening by being a good friend and confidant, or by showing the right amount of compassion at the exact right time. You can spot these couples a mile away, because the guy can’t stop smiling and putting his girlfriend up for display. Sometimes you can spot it in the woman, who’ll at times wear an expression that says “I shouldn’t have done this, but he is a nice guy, and he works for the post office, so his benefits are great.” These relationships can last 3 weeks, or 40 years.
  4. Bad luck. Hot girl (HG) goes to bar or party. Dopey guy (DG) is at same location. HG proceeds to get all kinds of drunk. Tore up from the floor up. DG runs his substandard game on her. HG, either out of boredom, drunkenness, or pity, decides to humor him. They end up going to his place, and have mild, unrewarding sex (for her). She sobers up, realizes what she’s done, and showers for about an hour and a half. Six weeks later, the pee strip shows a plus instead of a minus. DG also happens to be RG, or Responsible Guy. He wants to be a father to his child. HG wants a whole family, despite the circumstances. HG and DG end up together. You may laugh, but I have a close personal friend for whom this exact scenario took place. It didn’t last.

What other scenarios can explain this phenomenon?

Peace.

TextbookX – Find new and used Textbooks and general books up to 90% off retail prices.

Directory of Ringtone Artists

Advertisements