Dear God,

Why won’t you allow McDonald’s to sell the McRib all the time? Why do you force them to ration out its tastiness, making me wait an unknown and unendurable amount of time between servings? Since they won’t offer me a reasonable explanation, I can only assume that it’s your divine will that prevents me from having the best food this side of bacon on a consistent basis. And lo, though the sandwich is loaded with polyunsaturated fats, sodium, and preservatives enough to mummify a small field rat, I want it. I want it badly. I want it daily, and I want it now. Please, in your infinite wisdom, find a way to allow Mickey D’s to give me what I need.

I’d hate to have to cut a fool, just to get my fix.



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