Back by popular demand – more bad Damian poetry. Although it may look like I wrote this stuff as a goof, I was dead serious about it at the time of their creation. And I thought it was top shelf shit. However, I can look back at it now and realize that just because you put some words down on paper, that don’t make it poetry. I mean, I can put flour, eggs, and milk in a bowl, but that doesn’t make it a cake, you know? This stuff, this stuff right here? Craptacular.

I wrote this poem right after being laid off the first time, back in 2000. I was all depressed about it, and whenever I’m depressed, I get creative. Sometimes it’s in the form of a new song. Sometimes it’s…this. However bad it may be, though, it’s still copyrighted material, and may not be reproduced in any format or medium without express written consent from the creator (me). So ask me first before re-using it. As if you would.And if you think this is bad, just wait ’til you see the song I wrote about Brandi Chastain. Yes, Brandi Chastain, the soccer star from a few years ago. I’ll post it soon. Fire away!!


They tell me that I am being downsized;
But I don’t feel any smaller, physically.
My clothes and shoes still fit me well;
My wedding band remains snugly secure.

They tell me I’m being rightsized;
Well, here’s that size issue again.
If they had simply asked me, I could have
Informed them that I’m already the right size.

They tell me my position is in a state of flux;
Funny, I thought I was in a sitting position.
Both feet are on the floor, butt in a chair.
I guess one man’s flux is another man’s seat.

They say I may be laid off;
But I’m not laying on anything.
Is it just me, or does corporate America
Have a real problem coming to the point?

Why don’t they just march into my cubicle
And say, “We’re sorry, we simply cannot afford
You anymore. Besides, unemployment has its
Perks: A check, no alarm clock, Jerry Springer”.