Sometimes people tell me “Damian, you so CRAZY!”, and they laugh like drunken monkeys running the Tilt-a-Whirl at Six Flags Over Texas. But little do they know how right they are. In a rare moment of revelation, I’m going to share a nugget of my insanity with you. Feel badly for poor SouthernCanadian; she was the recipient (read: victim) in this lunacy. Thank Arbusto, who mentioned the name of my rogue nation in a comment on my last posting. It’s all his fault.
Peace.
————————————————
[10:32] Dark Damian: hit my blog. i diss minnesotans.
[10:35] SouthernCanadian: I’ll write him in
[10:36] SouthernCanadian: I would not vote for you. I do not favor secession
[10:36] SouthernCanadian: though THAT would be ironic if you ruled a small faction of the United States and seceded
[10:36] Dark Damian: yeah, but think of the possibilities
[10:36] Dark Damian: my government programs would make secession worth it
[10:36] Dark Damian: we’d be a 3rd world country with 1st world amenities, living off the teat of the US
[10:37] SouthernCanadian: oh good lord
[10:37] Dark Damian: i’d be a despot
[10:37] Dark Damian: but a NICE despot
[10:38] SouthernCanadian: you have no idea how hard I am laughing
[10:38] SouthernCanadian: I’m sure others have made similar claims
[10:39] Dark Damian: ipods for everyone!!
[10:39] Dark Damian: free porn!
[10:39] Dark Damian: oh yes, it would be Utopia
[10:39] Dark Damian: now, taxes would be a smidge higher than you’re used to
[10:40] SouthernCanadian: I don’t pay taxes.
[10:40] SouthernCanadian: I don’t have an income
[10:40] Dark Damian: well, everyone in Damiana would have a job
[10:42] SouthernCanadian: Damiana
[10:42] Dark Damian: yes. the name of my nation
[10:42] SouthernCanadian: But I don’t have a job because I’m a student.
[10:42] SouthernCanadian: Student = no time for job
[10:43] Dark Damian: oh yeah, all students will get paid to be students, but there will be a cap of 5 years for undergrad, 3 years for masters, and 5 years for Ph.D./M.D.
[10:43] Dark Damian: but you’ll be taxed at 40%
[10:43] Dark Damian: sorry. papa’s gotta pay for his jewel-lined pool
[10:43] SouthernCanadian: I don’t call that a nice despot
[10:44] Dark Damian: I’M PAYING YOU TO GO TO SCHOOL, YOU UNGRATEFUL – i’m sorry. deep breath.
[10:44] Dark Damian: whew!
[10:44] SouthernCanadian: hahahahahhaha
[10:45] Dark Damian: you almost made me be a bad despot
[10:45] SouthernCanadian: So then how much am I getting paid?
[10:45] SouthernCanadian: Since I want to know 40% of what?
[10:45] Dark Damian: it’ll vary by degree and major
[10:45] SouthernCanadian: hey!
[10:45] SouthernCanadian: no privileging one discipline over another
[10:45] SouthernCanadian: Well unless….
[10:45] SouthernCanadian: yeah, never mind
[10:45] Dark Damian: you want some parks, recreation, tourism & management major making the same as you?
[10:46] SouthernCanadian: good point
[10:46] Dark Damian: ok then
[10:47] Dark Damian: roll with me, here. i’m a good despot, remember?
[10:47] SouthernCanadian: okay
[10:47] SouthernCanadian: good despot
[10:47] Dark Damian: free health insurance
[10:49] Dark Damian: we wouldn’t have a military, but we’ll have professional hackers on the gov’t payroll
[10:50] SouthernCanadian: sweet
[10:52] Dark Damian: so – will you be down with my regime?
[10:52] Dark Damian: or do you want your credit all fucked up?
[10:53] SouthernCanadian: *sigh*
[10:53] SouthernCanadian: I’ll be down with your regime.
[10:53] Dark Damian: good choice, love
[10:54] Dark Damian: do you look good in the princess leia outfit from Return of the Jedi?
[10:54] Dark Damian: ’cause…you’ll need it.
[10:54] SouthernCanadian: I do not look good in that outfit
[10:54] SouthernCanadian: or at least I’m fairly certain I would not
[10:54] Dark Damian: wow. well.
[10:54] Dark Damian: guess you’ll be Full Price Girl, then
[10:54] SouthernCanadian: damn it
[10:54] Dark Damian: oh, i encourage the black market, though
[10:54] Dark Damian: in fact, i’ll finance it
[10:55] Dark Damian: and get some money on the back end
[10:57] SouthernCanadian: good idea
[10:58] SouthernCanadian: kitty bit me on the foot.
[10:58] SouthernCanadian: that bitch. She’s banished to a closet with an open door (becuase I’d never actually lock her somewhere)
[10:58] Dark Damian: oh yeah – cats will be alotted by special permit only
[11:00] SouthernCanadian: how do I get two permits?
[11:00] Dark Damian: it requires proficiency with a crossbow
[11:00] SouthernCanadian: shit
[11:00] SouthernCanadian: that’s it, I’m moving to iowa
[11:00] Dark Damian: and a large sum of money
[11:01] SouthernCanadian: I don’t have either, and IrishTenor and I will need one permit each
[11:01] Dark Damian: we’re annexing iowa. they’re down.
[11:01] Dark Damian: Damiana rules!!
[11:02] SouthernCanadian: grrrrrrrr…
[11:02] SouthernCanadian: why would you WANT Iowa?
[11:03] Dark Damian: iowa will develop corn-based weaponry for us
[11:03] SouthernCanadian: HAHA
[11:03] SouthernCanadian: a corn based weaponry
[11:04] SouthernCanadian: this I’d love to see
[11:04] Dark Damian: diamond cornbread razorsharp discs…
[11:04] SouthernCanadian: good lord..
[11:05] Dark Damian: nuclear popcorn MIRV missiles…
[11:05] Dark Damian: oh yes.
[11:05] Dark Damian: we will be a superpower.
[11:05] SouthernCanadian: uh…huh…
[11:05] Dark Damian: did i mention the free ipods and porn?
[11:06] SouthernCanadian: yes
[11:06] Dark Damian: just checking
31 comments
Comments feed for this article
February 6, 2006 at 2:44 pm
Laurie
Wow. You really should get back to work.
February 6, 2006 at 3:45 pm
Anonymous
Free Ipods, porn … and hottie lesbians, perhaps??
OH MY!
Bush Wishes,
The Lesbian Mafia —
Down with Damiania Since ’06
February 6, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Arbusto
My country is so much cooler.
February 6, 2006 at 10:56 pm
fyrchk
I don’t even know what to say. But this is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a looooooooonnnnnngggg time.
February 7, 2006 at 9:37 am
Metalchick
Where do i sign up? I’ll do ANYTHING to get paid to go to school
February 7, 2006 at 11:17 am
The Lily
Damiana is too cold. I’ll stick with the former CSA.
I am sure that it will be a very nice despotorship, though. *backing slowly towards the border*
February 7, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Dark Damian
Arbusto, do NOT make me lower your credit rating with my Hacker Force. I will. Try getting that new TV now, buster. Yeah.
Clairebell, Damiana is a utopia, and I’ll hear nothing different! Now get back over here before the Hacker Force increases the escrow on your new house.
Metalchick, you’re my new Minister of Education, Chinese Food, and Technology.
Laurie is the Minister of Shanking and Shivving.
Fyr, you’re my Minister of Fire and Prison Control, and Deputy Minister of Shanking and Shivving.
Lesbian Mafia…I will hunt you down and make you the Ministers of Whatever, so long as you reveal yourselves.
February 7, 2006 at 12:49 pm
Metalchick
DAMN it why am I always the minister of responsible things like education and technology? Does it involve music too? 🙂
As long as I get to school and don’t have to enslave myself to debitors prison, I’m game. Damiana take me away.
February 7, 2006 at 1:05 pm
fyrchk
Metalchick:
If you make it to debtors prison, I promise we’ll go easy on you, since I’m in charge and all.
Damian: I would like to be able to run my prisons the old school way. Piss me off and get your ass beat. None of this, “understanding and compassion” shit.
February 7, 2006 at 1:55 pm
april
If I wear the Princess Leia outfit, do I have to have the cinnamon buns on my head too?
February 7, 2006 at 2:02 pm
SouthernCanadian
You never told me what grad students get paid. Or what the exact fee is for a cat permit. If I wear the Princess Leia outfit, can my taxes be capped at a rate of 15%?
February 7, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Dark Damian
Why do you people think that this is a debate, or a negotiation? I AM A DESPOT! ANYTHING I GIVE YOU WILL BE RECEIVED WITH LOVE, OR SO HELP ME GOD, I’LL CUT OFF YOUR CABLE!
April – Minister of Media and Prosthetics, Deputy Minister of Fire and Prison Control. And no, forget the buns. They make me hungry.
SouthernCanadian – Deputy Minister of Cats. Cats are not considered a cabinet-level position. But if you act right, you’ll also be the Deputy Minister of Hackers.
HDW – Minister of Interpersonal Relations and Parenting.
Metalchick – Minister of Hackers. I’m changing your job.
February 7, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Dark Damian
Oh, by the way, I’ll be wearing 1 of the following 2 choices:
1. M. Bison’s costume from the “Street Fighter” movie
2. A replica of Janet Jackson’s outfit from the “Rhythm Nation 1814” video.
February 7, 2006 at 2:17 pm
fyrchk
With or without the nipple shields?
Just wondering.
And what about a codpiece? Every good despot wears a codpiece.
February 7, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Laurie
I want more MINISTRY under my belt. Give me something else to do.
February 7, 2006 at 2:19 pm
hotdrwife
Metalchick’s comment just made me spit out my soda. That’s funny!!
And I love my new job in Damiania!
You’re too much … I’m just catching up on blogs. Funny!
February 7, 2006 at 2:19 pm
Metalchick
What do I wear oh DICKtator? 🙂
Careful or I will hack you and photoshop you white! 🙂 heheheheheheheh hehehe
February 7, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Laurie
Oooooh!! Ooooh!! I wanna DickPotato!!!!!
February 7, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Dark Damian
With nipple shields, Fyr. And a codpiece, just like the guy from the group Cameo (“Word Up!”)
*sigh* Stop complaining people. Damn. Give a ni-Gah a job, and they complain about the benefits. OK –
Laurie, you’re the Minister of Shankings, Shivvings, and Alcohol.
Metalchick’s been demoted to Associate Crack Vendor for her comments. I need a new Minister of Hackers.
February 7, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Anonymous
What’s in it for us????
Moxie Muffdiver
The Lesbian Mafia – Turnin’ tricks since ’06….and I ain’t talkin’ cereal
February 7, 2006 at 2:39 pm
Dark Damian
Thank God for Statcounter. I know who you are now, Lesbian Mafia. I gotcha. I so gotcha. And if I get one, I’ll find the rest, if there are any. Fyr! Warm up the Chinese water torture device! Time to get medieval.
February 7, 2006 at 2:42 pm
Anonymous
We’ll take care of anybody who needs to be wacked.
Bella ‘Gina
The Lesbian Mafia – Gettin’ Medieval on that ass since ’06
February 7, 2006 at 2:56 pm
fyrchk
We’re still using the cold water in the device right???
I just want to be sure.
February 7, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Metalchick
Do i still get to be minister of Chinese food? I want some fried rice while I lie in wait to hack your country 🙂
That’s not responsible at all. I’m so bad.
February 7, 2006 at 4:21 pm
SouthernCanadian
Minister of cats?? I don’t even really like cats, except for my own and IrishTenor’s. Surely you can come up with a better job for me, O Great Powerful Despot.
February 7, 2006 at 5:34 pm
april
Oh Metalchick, I want a springroll please!! With little packets of soy sauce!!
By the way, if any of you bitches needs a prosthetic leg, I’ve an extra one. Just give me a holla!! Oh, but you should know that it’s pink. So if you’re a pink person, with a missing RIGHT foot, I’ve got one for you.
That is all!!
February 8, 2006 at 8:19 am
Metalchick
Delivery! Get it while it’s hot.
April, here’s your spring roll. Everyone else, there’s Fried Rice, Moo Shu Pork, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Beef with Broccoli, and Kung Pao Chicken. Enjoy!
There’s extra spring rolls too.
I rock at being minister of chinese food…
February 8, 2006 at 8:26 am
Arbusto
For being a despot you don’t have much control.
Spoonania owns you and we sold you off to Mexico already. I don’t know what you’re complaining about, DD.
Cars powered by sex in Spoonania! You all remember that!
February 8, 2006 at 8:34 am
SouthernCanadian
I’m moving to Spoonania to become Minister of Transportation.
July 12, 2006 at 7:31 am
Anonymous
Enjoyed a lot!
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