Happy Valentine’s Day!

This will likely be the last of the Bad Poetry entries. I’ve discovered that I’ve run out of stuff that even I know is bad, and I’m entering the realm of “Hey, I sorta like this one”. And I don’t want you jackals to rip up some of my heartfelt shit, which y’all would lovingly do, without prejudice or remorse. You don’t wanna hurt my super-sensitive feelings, do you?

Of course you do.

But I’m not crazy enough to give you the chance. I present to you the final installment of my bad poetry: If It Never Rained.

Now, if you want to keep this little feature going, feel free to send me any of *your* poetry that you consider to be bad. I’ll even keep it anonymous, promise. I’ll keep digging, looking for maore awful offerings from me, in the meantime. In between time, enjoy.


If It Never Rained

If it never rained,
My sharp blades of grass would darken to a dull brown.
The new seeds would never germinate,
All life outside would terminate.

The giant elm that stands grandly at my front porch
Would be as the beggar in the park, withered and defeated.
Its branches, like weathered hands, would no longer reach higher.
Most likely my elm beggar would lie down and expire.

The stray dogs that live up the street from me,
The ones with all the moxy and raw animal daring,
Would lose most of their time-earned swagger.
With no liquid refreshment, all would stagger.

Myself, I would not lose much.
A little peace of mind that accompanies
The soothing, gentle sweet descent
Of that soul-cleansing fluid from skyward sent.

Maybe this one isn’t so bad. OH YEAH – it’s copyrighted, bitches. Steal it and I will rain down upon you like….um….rain. Yeah.


Fast fact: I’ve heard ‘ni-gah’ at least sixteen times today, and I’ve laughed every single time. And did y’all hear about that school teacher who called his student ‘nigga’ in class, because he claimed he thought it was ok? You gotta hear the sound clip of him explaining himself. It’s hilarious. Few things make me laugh harder than an ultra-white white guy trying to verbally differentiate between ‘nigger’ and ‘nigga’, in front of reporters. Comic gold.

See it here.

You know what, I’m not gonna dissect this here – I’ll wait till tomorrow in my weekly deconstruction post.