Ok, folks. This is pretty much gonna be 2 substandard posts in a row, but I’m doing it for you. I’m doing it so that you may entertain yourselves, even while I toil away at moving about 4 metric tons of SHIT that we have accumulated over time. I’ve rented 2 U-Haul trailers, and one 26′ U-Haul truck, and we STILL have more things to move.

I’m tired, y’all. And my hands, my poor, bass-playing hands…they’re blistered. Red as hell. Sore to the touch. A friend told me recently that I had soft hands, but not today. Today they feel like a dry sponge rubbing across a sandpaper and braille sandwich. I’m wincing as I type this. Therefore, this post will be dedicated to you, folks. Today’s topic: porn names.

You all know the porn name formula (mad props to Dirk for talking about this on his blog):

Name of your first pet + name of the street you grew up on = your porn name.

I want you all to post your porn names in the comments. I’ll happily start it off here with my own.

Brutus Pearl.

For real.

Feel me.

That is a powerful name, and I shall use it frequently, especially in formal settings.

“Yes ma’am, I’d like to apply for a refi.”
“Your name, sir?”
“Brutus Pearl.”
“Rawr. How does 0% interest and no repayment sound, big boy?”

Bring it. Let’s see how yours comes out.


(By the way, I know this post sucks ass, so no reminders, ok? My hands hurt. I post for YOU, bitches.)