Moving sucks so very much, and not in any enjoyable way. We’re FINALLY done with the move, removing the final chunks of junk from the former domicile on Saturday afternoon, mere minutes before the owner rolled up in the yard for an “inspection”. You see, he rolled up on us last Sunday as I was just arriving to the house to take another load of crap, and right off the bat, he came at me with attitude, telling me that we would meet him on Wednesday of that week for a walk-through inspection of the house, where he would point out all the things he wanted repaired, and that we WOULD return his house to him in exactly the same condition as we got it, and that we WOULD repaint every wall to neutral white, and we WOULD replace the carpeting throughout, and we WOULD replace all the blinds, and if we didn’t, he’d hunt us down and call lawyers. He actually said “I’ll hunt you down” to me, to my face. I had sunglasses on, so he didn’t see the change my eyes underwent as he was talking his nonsense. Now, those of you who have the pleasure of knowing me in real life will attest to this: I’m probably the most even-tempered, never-gets-upset guy around. I don’t normally let shit get to me, ’cause life’s too short and all that. But he got in my face.

And I got very, very pissed.

When I get very angry, I can barely speak. My mouth twists, and everything I say sounds like I’m trying to do a bad Clint Eastwood impersonation, circa “High Plains Drifter”. I also get completely and utterly still, because I know that I’m libel to take a swing if I get all animated. I don’t get angry often. I can count the number of times on two hands, and still have fingers left over for flipping the bird. But when I DO get mad, I get extremely mad, and this bastard had me at that point. We had barely even said hello before he launched into his tirade – AND HE HADN’T EVEN BEEN INSIDE THE HOUSE!! Not only that, but we weren’t due to be moved out for another week. So why were his panties all in a bunch? Because he TRIED to go in, but we had our dogs in the house. Did he call us first to arrange a meeting? No. He just showed up, saw that our cars weren’t there, and tried to go inside – a full week before we were due to move. The fact that we had moved the majority of our stuff the day before is immaterial, because he didn’t know we were gonna do that. As far as he knew, we were still living there, and the fact that he tried to go in our home without permission or notification made me boil.

We were purchasing the house from him under an owner financing agreement. We were giving him payments every month, with the agreement that after we sold our other house, we’d get a mortgage and pay him off. Well, we never sold the other house – we had no takers. Trying to support two houses is too much of a strain, so we decided to move back into the house we already own, which also happens to be 45 minutes closer to both of our jobs. Plus, Wal-Mart is a mere 1 mile away. Holla! When we made the deal originally, we gave him a $5000 good faith deposit. $5000, people. We also installed a chain link fence around the property. When we notified him that we were moving out, we told him that we were not seeking the deposit back, nor payment for the fence. It sucks, but we chalked it up as the cost of moving out early (plus we knew he wouldn’t give us the money anyway, so we might as well make it our idea instead of his). During this “discussion” last week, we claimed that we had been simply renting the property from him for the last year, because our contract was only a year deal, which is utter bullshit. And even if that’s true, wouldn’t that fat $5000 cover the carpet, paint, and blinds he was so worried about? I’m fairly certain it would. And if we were buying it from him, by moving out, we were effectively foreclosing on the house and giving it to the bank (him). And anyone who deals with home purchasing knows that a foreclosed house can be in damn-near any condition. Sometimes foreclosures don’t even have floors or a roof. Shit, we shampooed the carpet! How many other foreclosure instigators can claim that? He started complaining about him not having the money for repairs because he had surgery and couldn’t work, but you know what? As sad as that is, and much (or little) sympathy I feel, that’s not our fault or our problem. If he spent that 5K, too bad, so sad. He’ll not get a penny more from me. He’s gotten close to 30K from us over the last 2 years, so forgive me if my heart doesn’t bleed for him. We’ve had to deal with people moving out too, and in the end, it’s the homeowner’s responsibility. Here’s the final raw spot: he doesn’t even have a mortgage on that house. It’s paid for. The money he was getting from us was just gravy for him. We made sure to videotape everything before we left, just as some insurance against his rampant stupidity. He’s the type to kick in a wall or 3, and blame us for that damage AND his hurt foot. Oh, he would.

When he stepped out of his car Saturday, trying to look intimidating, we were ready for him. I plopped the keys in his hand, said “Here ya go. We have an appointment to get to. See ya.”, and we rolled out. I wonder what he said to himself when he stepped inside, seeing the same carpet, the same blinds, and the same paint on the walls.

I’m glad to be gone.

Peace.

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