I hang my head in shame.

Sorta.

I cannot BELIEVE I left myself open to a raid. Not after what I had done to her back in June. I got complacent. After all, she didn’t immediately retaliate, something I would’ve expected from her, since she’s got the attention span of a squirrel with ADD on speed watching MTV. Oh, but no. She was conniving. She was shrewd. She was convoluted.

She’s gonna need Merriam-Webster to figure out what I’m saying about her.

Bless her heart.

You got me, pirate. You boarded my ship, bitch-slapped the captain, ate all the Fritos, drank all the beer, and scraped the hull on some coral. You jacked my shit up.

Kudos to you. Enjoy your victory.

For now, folks, you’ll still see the cutesy banner and all her other “enhancements”, because these were part of the terms of the deal. I thought I could simply out-wait her – she gets bored easily, and I gave it 2 days, max, before she’d just give up on it, but she fooled me again. Who knew that she would ENJOY running things over here? Besides, all the cussing and burping on my li’l slice of heaven here was getting on my damn nerves. I had to end it. Had I kept challenging her, she would’ve gladly held my blog hostage for God knows how long.

Hey, know what tastes good with that foot in my mouth?

My pride.

Delicioso.

“Why not just start another blog,” you asked. OK, Mike asked. Well, people (Mike), I’ve had this blog since ’04. It’s my baby. It feels good on me, like rayon shirts did back in the 90s.

(God, black men wore the HELL outta some rayon shirts back then. Go to the club or a frat party, and every guy there had on some butt-ugly designed rayon shirt, all sweaty and smelling like a goat football team’s locker room after the SuperGoat Bowl. Just roll with me, ok?)

I CAN’T start another blog, especially if it’s just because some chickenheaded blonde decided to play hopscotch with it. I needed it back. I have so many things to tell you, and the amount of effort it would take to move ALL of you to a new spot is more than my procrastinating and admittedly lazy ass is willing to expend. So I bit the bullet. I apologized, even though it tasted like metallic ass in my mouth to do it. It was worth it, just to get my baby back.

(I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back. King of ADD in da HOUSE!)

I should thank Laurie for not messing with my band stuff. I think she knew better, but still – thanks. ‘Ppreciate that. To any and all of you who I may have offended while in my fugue state, worryin’ about my blog, I apologize.

Unless what I said was funny.

So. Anyway. We’re gonna put this whole mess behind us, right? I have to tell you about seeing the movie “Crank” on Saturday.

Holy shit.

This movie was cinematic crack cocaine.

But I’ll talk about that more tomorrow. The stinging sensation I’m feeling from having to bow down (as opposed to bowing up) to the pirate is getting worse. I better lie down.

It’s good to be back. Now – who’s gonna help me clean up the Keystone Light cans?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Yeah. Thought not.

Peace.

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