**Updates! Look for the orange. Orange as in Clemson. Not as in UT.**

Seeing as how I went 5-0 last week in my picks, there’s no way I could NOT try it one more time, right? I’m a natural. There aren’t many marquee matchups this week, but there are a couple of decent ones. I’m gonna pick 2 or 3 good matchups, 1 cupcake game, and of course, the Clemson game.

I’m gonna open up the comments so that we can exchange pleasantries. And by “pleasantries” I mean good clean trash-talk. One caveat: be nice. Talking shit is fine; being shitty isn’t. Don’t make me take off my belt.

Though I suspect some of you would enjoy that.

#1 Vs. #13

Ohio St. at Iowa, 8pm EST

This should be the matchup of the day, with Ohio St. FINALLY facing some REAL competition this season. Oh wait – they played Texas, right? I suppose UT counts as competition (though you couldn’t really tell that by watching the game). But Iowa will be ready for OSU, and they’ll play them hard. I don’t think they have enough horses to slow down Ted Ginn Jr. and Troy Smith, though.

Prediction: 28-21 Ohio St.
Outcome: 38-17 Ohio St.

Well, I certainly didn’t expect this wide of a margin of victory from THIS game. I knew OSU was good, but I didn’t know they were THAT good. I’m not really sure who can stop this train from rollin’, except maybe Amtrak. I still picked it right, so that makes me a winner.

Damian: 1-0

#24 Vs. #11

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech, 3:30pm EST

The Battle of the Nerd Schools! The Georgia Institute of Technology against the Virginia Institute of Technology. Jeez, do the players brings slide rules to the games? Or do the teams meet up at midfield and just play the game on an XBox? I remember being in the Clemson marching band and visiting GT one year. They have this giant, 2-story inflatable yellowjacket they keep in the home endzone. It’s the kind that requires a motor to continuously pump air into to it to keep it inflated. Right in the middle of the game, in front of thousands of people, we distracted the motor operator, and while he was talking to the tuba players, we unplugged the motor. That yellowjacket went down like a hungry crackwhore. Nothing was funnier than hearing a couple hundred people yelling “The bee! The bee!” Suffice it to say, they were pissed. We won the game, though, and so will VT.

Prediction: 35-17 VT
Outcome: 38-27 GT

Ouch. My first loss, and it stings. I guess that damn bee heard me talking shit, and decided to whip a stinger out on VT this weekend. Or maybe VT just isn’t all that great this year. It’s what, their first year without someone named Vick on their team? (Although, to be fair, Marcus Vick was little more than a felony waiting to happen while he was there.) Either way, GT made me their bitch this weekend. Thanks. ‘Ppreciate that.

Damian: 1-1

Vs. #12

Purdue at Notre Dame, 2:30pm EST

God, I hate Notre Dame. I hate the way they look. I hate the way they act. I hate their colors. I hate the movie “Rudy”. I hate the way that Ty Willingham, their previous coach, was vilified for having the SAME RECORD that current coach Charlie Weiss has. And Weiss is considered the Second Coming of Knute Rockne. I hate that they have their own network deal. I hate that they’re too good to join a conference. I hate how all the sports commentators lick their asses every week. I hate their mascot, and if I were Irish, I’d REALLY hate it for being a negative stereotype of good clean Irish people. I hate that Brady Quinn, their QB, has one or two nice games, and all of a sudden he’s the leading Heisman candidate and the predicted #1 pick in the 2007 draft. I fucking hate them, and I hope they lose every game they ever play, ever. But I’m not an idiot.

Prediction: 24-20 ND
Outcome: 35-21 ND

I was spot-on with what I thought Purdue would produce, but once again we have a case of a player or team reading my blog on Friday and getting all inspired on Saturday. We get it, Brady Quinn. You’re good. Fine. Go on and win some games or whatever. But quit coming over here to get your inspiration, alright? I don’t even LIKE you. I picked you only because I hate losing more than I hate Notre Dame. Don’t get it twisted.

Damian: 2-1

#14 Vs.

Oregon at Arizona St., 3:30pm EST

Oregon is pissed. More pissed than I am about Notre Dame. Oregon lost a game against Oklahoma that they really should’ve won, all because the referees needed one more eye to become a cyclops. Horrible calls lead them to defeat, and they are gonna take out all their frustrations on every team they face, unless and until they meet Southern Cal. Arizona State, put your track shoes on. I don’t know what uniforms the Ducks will be wearing (they have a Nike deal, and change their uniform design almost weekly), but you can bet that you’ll be seeing it flashing before your eyes before finally coming to a halt in whatever endzone they happen to be facing. This one might get ugly early.

EDIT: My bad. Oregon WON that game. Hey, both schools start with the letter “O”, which means they shouldn’t even be playing each other. It violates the Geneva Convention or something. Sue me. It ain’t like you don’t make mistakes. Go look in the mirror – I bet you’ll spot 1 or 2 right off the bat. Haters. No matter if they won or lost, they’re gonna straight-up HANDLE Arizona State.

Prediction: 44-17 Oregon
Outcome: 48-13 Oregon

Feel free to bow down at any point. Second week in a row that I completely nailed the total score. I suggest you take my picks, call your bookie, and go ahead and pre-order that scorching new Lexus, ’cause I’m money, baby. I’m more money than Vince Vaughn in “Swingers”. Ignore that GT/VT game above – that was an aberration. I’m the king of this.

Damian: 3-1

Vs. #18

Louisiana Tech at Clemson, 7pm EST

Let’s look at some numbers. I like numbers. But not math. Fuck math.

Yards Per Game: ULL 336, CLEM 432.8
Points Per Game: ULL 18.3, CLEM 41.5
Yards Allowed: ULL 460, CLEM 252.3
Points Allowed: ULL 38.3, CLEM 16.8

Clemson outgains them by nearly 100 yards per game…more than doubles their scoring output…holds teams to nearly half the yardage and points…man. I’m not trying to be cocky, but unless someone slips Vicodin in the team’s lunch, I think the Clemson marching band will be spelling the word “blowout” on the field at halftime.

Prediction: 49-10 Clemson
Outcome: 51-0 Clemson

Oh man. My team is straight-up BALLIN’, people! That’s 2 weeks in a row that we dropped fitty on a team, and the third time this season. Fitty. What a wonderful number. It’s magical…teams that hit the 50 plateau almost never lose the game, and if they do, they need to beat their defensive coordinator about the head and face with a used jock strap. ESPN said that Clemson is the best 18th-ranked team in the history of rankings. Were it not for that brutal double-overtime loss to Boston College, we’d be undefeated and probably ranked around 11 or 12 right now. Then again, maybe they wouldn’t be as inspired to whup ass like they’re doing now. Maybe I should just sit back and enjoy this prosperity while it’s hear, huh? Oh, hells yes. Go Clemson!

Damian: 4-1

Well, I didn’t do as well this week as last week, when I went 5-0. However, 4-1 certainly doesn’t suck, and it improves me to 9-1 overall for the season. I don’t suck at this. I’m serious – y’all need to be betting, and breaking me off some of the proceeds. I don’t ask for much – say, 10%. That’s reasonable, right? Especially given all that I provide you bastards. Anyway, have a great week, folks.

OH – there was another soccer game on Saturday, but SistaGirl wasn’t there. It was probably too hot out there for a diva like her. That or Baskin-Robbins was running a sale on strawberry.

Peace.

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