**Well, whattaya doin’ reading this part? Scroll down and see how I did!**

It’s Friday the 13th. I ain’t scared. I have bad luck EVERY day, dammit. It’s called a “mortgage” and “work” and all these other scary bad luck items. Go ‘head and break that mirror – all you’ll get is a fractured reflection. And for some of y’all, that’ll be an improvement.

So, I’m just gonna get right to it today, folks. I’m tired, I’m busy, and my team has already played. Yeah, Clemson destroyed Temple last night, 63-9. It wasn’t even close. My boys have scored over 50 three times, and over 60 once this season, bringing their per-game average up to 43.9. Love it. So, my football stomach is full for the weekend, quite frankly. I’m disinterested. Plus there’s no real marquee matchups this week. However, that’ll make my picks all the more interesting. Today I’m going with the Blue Plate ADD Special, meaning I’m gonna pick my teams based soley on whatever pops into my weird little mind.

Bear with me.

at #7

Cincinnati at Louisville, 3:30pm

That cardinal in the Louisville logo looks PISSED, kinda like the chickenhawk from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons. DOESN’T HE? I’m not even sure what the hell a “bearcat” is, but I imagine that the chickenhawk there will still eat him for dinner.

Prediction: 45-10 Louisville
Outcome: 23-17 Louisville

Obviously, Cincy gave ’em all they could handle, then put the rest in a doggy bag for ’em. But they got the W, which is all I care about.

Damian: 1-0

at #18

UCLA at Oregon, 3:30pm

Bears versus ducks. Doesn’t this remind you of that joke:

A bear and a rabbit were both in the woods, taking a dump near each other.
The bear looks over at the rabbit and says “Say buddy, you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit says “No, not really…”. The bear then grabs the rabbit, and wipes his ass with him. I know these are ducks, and not rabbits, but no matter WHAT they are, they’re gonna win on Saturday. But it’ll be tight. And who doesn’t like tight?

Prediction: 28-24 Oregon
Outcome: 30-20 Oregon

I said four, they made it 10. I’m cool with that. Another W for me. I should start a collection.

Damian: 2-0

#2 at #11

Well, I GUESS this counts as a marquee matchup, even though Arkansas pimp-slapped Auburn last week when Auburn was #2. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Now Florida is #2. But they won’t stink up the joint like Auburn did. What’s up with me and the fecal jokes today? Jeez.

Prediction: 21-17 Florida
Outcome: 27-17 Auburn

It sucks being the #2 team in the country. You don’t get the publicity that Ohio State does, and quite frankly, you lose. Auburn was #2 last weekend, and they got pummeled by Arkansas. Florida was numero dos this week, and Auburn broke off a switch from the oak tree out in the back yard and whupped that ass. The SEC is rough this year, folks. By the way, “whupped” is much worse than “whipped”. Whupped leaves marks.

Damian: 2-1

at #6

Baylor at Texas, 7pm

Baylor is reknown for its excellent medical facilities. In Dallas alone, there are several Baylor-related hospitals and treatment centers, and all of them are top-notch. They are unrivaled in their passion to provide superior medical care for all their patients. Which is good, ’cause the Baylor football team may need some serious treatment after this game on Saturday. I’m not saying they’re gonna lose, but I AM saying that the UT players have already planned to bring a giant pallet of “Get Well Soon” cards for the entire BU roster. I hope they have really good benefits.

Prediction: 49-10 Texas
Outcome: 63-31 Texas

Hey Softball Slut? You there? You see this score? Yeah, UT won, but what’s up with them giving up 31 points to Baylor? Did the marching band and mascot play the entire second half or something? I may have thought 90 points would occur in this matchup, but I would’ve figured that all 90 would be on the Texas side of the scoreboard. Tell the champs they need to wake up.

Damian: 3-1

at #3

Arizona State at Southern Cal, 8pm EST

OK…no. Just…no. The Condom Boys are gonna put the rubber to the road in this game. That wasn’t even punny at all.

Prediction: 44-14 USC
Outcome: 28-21 USC

Oooooooooooooooooo. 7 point victory over unranked opponents, USC? See my statements to Texas above. You’re the #2 team now. Watch out.

Damian: 4-1

With this week’s 4-1 record, that brings my overall record to 16-4, damn near making me a prophet. A non-profit prophet. Just call me Negrodamus. And tune in Friday for more picks.