I have a few confessions, some revelations, if you will, that may completely rock the foundation of the Castle Damian as you know it.

  • I thought I had an ingrown hair or a lymph node problem in one of my armpits, so I shaved them both to investigate. And guess what: I liked how the smoothness felt so much, I kept doing it. Today? Pits are smooth as baby skin. I am such a girl.
  • I pretend to watch “Avatar: The Last Airbender” on Nick WITH my son, but in fact, I also watch it when he’s not around. I’ve even been known to say “7YO, don’t you wanna watch Avatar? I think it’s on right now. If not, I bet we have one on the DVR. If not, I’m sure we can get it on-demand.” This year he’s dressing as the Avatar for Halloween, and I cheered on the inside.
  • I love video games. Love them. Playstation 2, Gameboy, PC, hell – my cell phone, it doesn’t matter. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a hardcore gamer (I don’t play for 18 hours straight, and I tend to have good hygiene – see armpit section two bullets above), I am a pretty avid one who loves to play all the time. I have been known to turn down sex for a game. Oh yes.
  • And History Channel, too. It was a special on the czars in Russia, and dammit, I like czars. I don’t care if you don’t understand. Czar Nicholas NEEDED me to watch!
  • I steal chocolate-covered peanuts from grocery stores. Not a lot, not like a whole box, but when I’m shopping, I feel entitled to 4 or 5 of those li’l chunks of heaven, so I help myself. I mean shit, I’m prolly spending a couple hundred in there to feed my horde, so I should be allowed to enjoy a slight repast when the mood strikes me. Once, an employee saw me do it, and I totally mad-dogged him for looking at me. I stared him down like he had my woman’s phone number on his chest. He looked away. I ate like a KING. They better be glad I don’t drink out of the apple juice bottles and put them back.
  • I hate my first name. I always have. I think it sounds dumb. I always wanted to be a Justin. I came close to having a cool name, when my dad wanted to name me Lord Christoff when I was born. My mom put the kibosh on THAT noise with the quickness. The name she gave me, though…I’m not a fan. In the 7th or 8th grade, I started a campaign to have people call me by my (even dumber) middle name, but that plan failed like me in Calculus in college.
  • This is gonna be my Halloween costume this year:

Yeah, I know. My intent is to look like Jimi Hendrix. I may end up looking like Jimmy Walker from “Good Times”. Either way, this costume is DY-NO-MITE!!

  • I love to watch “The Rockford Files” and I don’t care if you know.
  • When I pee, I always aim for the lowest back part of the ceramic, just above the water line, because when I was growing up, it was just me and my mom for 14 years in a tiny house, and the bathroom was right across from her bedroom. Evidently she thought my pee was in polyphonic stereo surround sound, ’cause she used to complain about the noise. So I started hitting the back of the toilet, down near the water, which greatly reduced the audio factor. And I still do that today.
  • I put the seat down about 90% of the time due to this same reason. A spanked ass has a good memory. Sorry, guys.
  • I cry when I watch “The Natural”. Shut up.

OK, I’m all confessioned out. It’s your turn. Tell me YOUR dark secrets!

Peace.

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