I can remember when OJ was cool.

Can you recall those days, back in the late 70s and 80s? Even after the football career, I can recall seeing him in those Hertz commercials, jumping over luggage while running through the airport. I can remember him in all the Naked Gun movies, usually as the butt of a Leslie Neilson joke. I remember thinking about how cool he was, even though I had never seen him play. Juice was the MAN. And as a football player, forget it. Unstoppable. He killed ’em at USC; he killed ’em on the Buffalo Bills.

The problem is, he forgot to stop killing ’em.

Simpson won the Heisman Trophy in 1968 while playing for the University of Southern California.

Even when he was arrested, with seemingly overwhelming evidence, I was one of that majority of black people who cried “Conspiracy!” and “Frame job!” It seemed so obvious then. L.A.’s police department wasn’t exactly a shining example of fair play and good police work. Hell, the guys from “The Shield” would look at those cops back in ’94 and say “Holy shit, they’re hardcore.” Between the RAMPART scandal, and Rodney King, it was perfectly logical that they nabbed OJ simply because he was a rich and famous black man who was married to a beautiful white woman, and living in their world.

It made perfect sense.

So what if he led the cops on a low-speed chase that was broadcast so much, aliens on Uranus had it on tape? He was just stressed out. So what if the Bruno Magli shoes he owned seemed tomatch up with the evidence? It was coincidence. So what if he had all KINDS of motive for the crime, and had a history of domestic violence against his wife? Past performance does not dictate future actions, right? And besides – the glove didn’t fit. They HAD to acquit.

But as the trial went on, I started having my doubts. Shit just seemed…off. OJ didn’t seem outraged enough. If I was on trial for double murder, and I didn’t do it, they would have to gag me and duct tape me to my chair, ’cause every time the prosecution spoke, I’d be saying “BULLSHIT!” OJ didn’t. His lawyer was absolutely brilliant, and the LA county prosecutors were acting like it was the first courtroom they saw since watching “Night Court”. When he was acquitted, I didn’t rejoice like so many of my brothas and sistas. By then I was pretty sure that he did it, but the prosecution didn’t make their case, in my opinion, so he HAD to be set free. I thought that would be the end. He got away with murder. Time to vanish, right? Time to move to Barbados and never be heard from again.

Not OJ.

In 1973, Simpson erupted with a then-record 2,003 yards, becoming the first player ever to pass the 2,000-yard mark.

You see, OJ is the type of guy who loves nothing more than to be in the spotlight, no matter how much it burns him. He had to be seen, be heard, be noticed. The civil suit went against him, holding him liable for the murders, and he still hasn’t paid them off. To me, this is just another insult to Nicole Brown’s and Ron Goldman’s families, since he knows he did that shit. Give them their money. Set up a payment plan. OJ isn’t poor, not by any normal standards, at least. They can’t touch his NFL pension, which pays him a pretty penny, and they can’t touch his house. All he has to do is sit back, sip cosmopolitans, and try not to murder more white people. But that’s not the OJ M.O.

Simpson was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1985.

He has to be seen. Bill Bellamy, the comedian, made a great joke about being in Miami Beach at a night club one night, and seeing OJ in the VIP area dancing with 3 or 4 young women, all of whom were just falling all over themselves to get next to him. He joked about dancing next to them, pointing at OJ and making a slashing gesture across his throat as a warning to them. Star-fuckers. Famous or infamous, if you’re someone they’ve heard of, they will attach themselves to you like barnacles. This only serves to further validate OJ, and give him more fuel to his insane fire. Hell, he’s been arrested several times in the past twelve years, including that road rage incident and domestic assault on a girlfriend. Um, yeah. Time to bounce, honey. I don’t care HOW much ecstacy he buys you, you WON’T be all that happy when you’re the main case on CSI: Miami.

After his retirement from football, Simpson went on to a successful film career with parts in films such as the television mini-series Roots, and the motion pictures The Cassandra Crossing, Capricorn One, The Klansman, The Towering Inferno, Back to the Beach, and The Naked Gun trilogy.

This guy, this murderous, scandalous, shameless son of a bitch, has done so much shit in the
past 12 years.

  • In 1998 at the end of an interview conducted by Ruby Wax for BBC1, Simpson mimed stabbing her with a banana while mimicking the theme music from Psycho.
  • In 2001, he was tried for burglary and battery in a Florida road rage case that received some publicity, but he was again found not guilty. This verdict was also covered on live national television.
  • During 2003, Simpson filmed a Pay-Per-View comedy special titled Juiced. The show, a hidden camera set up show, included a controversial sketch where Simpson attempts to sell the infamous White Ford Bronco at a used car lot, telling the salesman, “It was good for me. It helped me get away.” NOT KIDDING.
  • Simpson considered becoming a news commentator for actor Robert Blake’s murder trial. Irony, party of 1!

And now, the most dispicable act of all. On November 14, 2006 Fox announced that it would be airing a two-part interview with Simpson by book publisher Judith Regan, in which he will discuss the murders. The interview is to promote his upcoming book, tentatively titled “If I Did It”. Basically, he’s going to discuss how HE would’ve committed the murders, hypothetically of course, if HE had been the one to commit them. He’s gonna talk about a hypothetical accomplice, and chart how it all went down. Oops, I mean how it WOULD HAVE gone down, if he had done the deed. Of all the low things, this shit here could limbo under a snail’s asshole. The book’s publisher (who I can’t decide whether she’s a genius or evil with evil sauce) says she considers this to be his “confession”. Whatever. I think it’s OJ’s chance to brag about getting away with murder. After all, what good does it do to pull off the perfect crime, and not be able to tell people about it? You just KNOW he’s been about to pop, waiting for a chance to nudge someone on the golf course with his elbow and say “Yo man, don’t you wanna know if I really did it? Huh? Come on, ask me.” He is a shallow, smug, evil, heartless, homicidal bastard. Any woman with him is taking her life in his own hands. Not hers, his.

Simpson was considered for the lead role in The Terminator, before it was decided audiences might not accept him as a villain because he was perceived as too “nice”.

I hope he slips up. I hope he says something that only the police, the prosecutors, and the killer would know. I hope he smirks while he talks, so everyone can see what kind of monster he really is. He’s protected by double jeopardy, so he can’t be retried for the same crime. Unless they find new evidence. So keep talkin, OJ. Relax your shoulders, spill your guts. Tell the world how The Juice would’ve done it. Don’t hold back – you’re safe, man! Untouchable, just like you were in football.

When you were killin’ ’em.

Remember when OJ was cool?

I do.

It was a long, long time ago.

Stay in that spotlight, OJ. That heat you’re feeling isn’t anything to worry about. It’s just the remainder of your humanity burning away.

Peace.

Edit: KBear is right – even with new evidence, it would be incredibly difficult to try him again on the same or similar charges in state court. However, if the federal courts decided that he kidnapped his victims, or violated their civil rights (by, say, denying them the right to live), he could be retried in federal court. That’s what happened to the cops in the Rodney King trial. Also, if it was determined that the previous trial was a sham (for example, if OJ bribed a juror or the judge), double jeopardy wouldn’t apply because he was never actually in jeopardy in the first place. The more you know…

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