I finally did it.

I brought together two of my loves in a perfect union of holy culinary delight.

That’s right, gentle readers, I successfully created a concoction so rich, so delicious, so genuinely right that I just HAD to tell you about it.

I made Tang and bacon bars.

[pause for effect]

Cabanaboy gave me the recipe a while back, but I’ve been hesitant to try it. What if it didn’t work out? You know what I’m saying. You’ve all had these two good friends that you just KNEW should get together, but in the back of your mind, you said “But what if it doesn’t work out? What if they don’t get along? Or what if they like each other SO much, they forget about me?” True, I’ll never have to worry about either Tang or bacon not liking me – their love for me is unconditional – but I still worried that if I combined them, maybe I’d stop liking one of them, and that would be tragic. This blog is damn-near founded on my dual love for that citrusy astronaut breakfast powder and the bad-cholesterol meat product, and if I lost that love for either, I’d probably be reduced to writing incoherent babble and showing 10,000 pictures of me in a fetal position. No one wants that.

But my company is having a dessert contest today, and I figured it was high time to whip out the recipe and give it a shot. There’s a category here for Most Unusual Dessert, and unless someone strolls up in here with a Nike covered in Ready Whip, I should have this thing hands-down. Want the recipe for Tang and bacon bars? Get out your pens.

1/2 cup of corn syrup
1/2 cup of sugar
1/2 cup of peanut butter (I prefer Peter Pan, myself. Smooth, not chunky.)
3 cups of Honey Bunches of Oats cereal (any type)
4 teaspoons of Tang
1 3oz package of Hormel bacon pieces (not Bac-Os. Those things are nasty.)

Combine sugar and corn syrup in a medium sauce pan.
Bring to a boil on medium heat.
Once the mixture is boiling, remove from heat and add peanut butter.
Stir until smooth.
Add full package of bacon pieces and stir until blended.
Add Tang. Stir until blended.
Add cereal, one cup at a time. Stir until cereal is completely coated.
Press mixture evenly into a greased 8″ pan. Let it cool completely before cutting it into bars.

Sounds easy, right? It IS! Here’s what it looks like when it’s done:

Whoops! That’s just me, showing off the cannon. You don’t need a concealed weapon permit for THAT gun, I tell you. Moving on.

THIS is what it looks like. Yummy goodness. I made two batches of this, then I decided to make a batch without the bacon, just for the vegetarians in the office. (Most people wouldn’t imagine finding bacon in a dessert item.) So on the THIRD batch, I removed the bacon and cut the Tang in half, thinking that the bacon flavor offsets the citrus of the Tang, therefore I wouldn’t need as much. However, somewhere along the way, I made a crucial mistake in my calculations. When the third batch cooled, it looked alright:

But when I tried to cut it into bars, it was like cutting this:

I almost broke a Cutco knife, people! After finally using the hacksaw in the garage to carve out just one row, I thought it’d be better to just leave it the fuck home. I’ll gnaw on it later.

I’ll let you know how it turns out. The contest starts in about an hour. Wish me luck!

Peace.

Winner’s Edit: I won! I won! I seriously won a prize! I got this for Most Unusual Dessert:

I know you can’t read what it says. It’s a Starbucks gift card! I have no idea how much is on there, but since I rarely go there anyway, it hardly matters – the fact that I WON is what counts. When people were trying my masterpiece, I heard all kinds of reactions. These are REAL responses:

“Well, THAT’S weird.”
“Oh HELLS to the NO!”
“This is different, in a good kinda way, but different.”
“I’m sorry, but this tastes like crap.”
“Is there really Tang in here? Seriously?”
“I never woulda thought of that combo.”
“You got this off the internet? You DO know that some things from the internet are bad, right?”
“You know, this isn’t horrible.”
“Only you.”

Now I can go get a double grande mocha whip non-fat venti white chocolate pumpkin ginger latte iced expresso double-shot honey caramel mochacino frappacino coffee. With cream. Or whatever they sell there.

Edit Numero Dos: This…is too, too cool. Check it out.

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