YOOOOOO!

It’s that time again, y’all. Time to point out human fallibility, to showcase the error of free will, to demonstrate that mankind is just a half-step up from apes, and a whole lotta folks trip over that step on the way up.

Did you see where Bush wants to send more troops to Iraq? Let’s hope that they get flak jackets, holsters, and other vital life-saving equipment that a lot of current soldiers lack. Families are having to scrape money together just to buy their sons and daughters bullet-proof vests. That shit ain’t right. One of these days I’m going to rant about that. But not today. Today we celebrate people who DON’T serve our country. We celebrate that unique class of underachieving people whom I call:

The Idiotocracy.

Jot that down.

Let’s ‘tribe.

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MORGAN, Pa. – A high school English teacher and semifinalist for the 2007 Pennsylvania Teacher of the Year Award resigned after police said an underage drinking party was held in her basement. Christine Kosik resigned from South Fayette High School on Friday, according to district Superintendent Linda Hippert. Kosik and her husband, John, were charged with corruption of minors for the Dec. 30 party, which was attended by 40 to 50 teens, South Fayette Township Police Chief Louis Volle said. Police believe someone else brought alcohol to the house, but said the Kosiks were responsible for the party because they were home at the time. Police were called when the party became unruly. About 30 teens, including the Kosiks’ 17-year-old son, were cited for underage drinking that night, police said. Kosik referred comments to her attorney, Romel L. Nicholas, who said she was not forced to resign. Kosik was not aware of drinking at the party, and she did not encourage, sanction or allow it in any way, Nicholas said. “There is a component in this case of minors sneaking in or bringing in alcohol without her knowledge,” Nicholas told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

I’m sending this out to all the teachers out there. My mom was a teacher, as was my maternal grandmother and both paternal grandparents. I’ve been around teachers my entire life. Teachers, there’s a simple rule of thumb to follow which will stop all y’all from getting into the jams you’re finding yourselves in so much. Ready? Here it is: stop hanging out with your students. It’s simple. Don’t. Hang. Out. With. Your. Kids. You wanna be their friends? Fine. Do it in class, or wait until they’re not your students anymore. Do not erase that student/teacher barrier. I won’t deny that befriending them makes you more effective in your job, but it’s hard to DO your job when you’re at home watching “The Price Is Right” instead of monitoring lunch, just because you thought you’d try to be “cool” and show the kids how “hip” and “with it” you are. Go to school, cram some education in their thick skulls, and go hang out with adults. Back when I was in grade school, you NEVER heard about teachers banging students, or teachers giving ’em liquor or pot, or hosting wild parties at their house. Hell, we didn’t even know our teachers’ first names! Teachers either had the first name of Mister or Missus, or maybe Miss. We didn’t know where they lived. We didn’t know what kind of music they liked. We didn’t know if they watched “The Dukes Of Hazzard” last Friday night. They maintained that professional distance that’s required in order for them to remain objective and provide the best education to ALL the kids. Let’s get real. Are the teachers befriending ALL the kids? Probably not. I’m sure there’s a Harold or a Melinda in the class who isn’t very social, and that kid is getting JUST as left out as always, only this time it’s sanctioned by the reigning authority figure. I have a friend who is a teacher, and she works HARD to make sure that, no matter how fond she is of a kid or group of kids, she doesn’t cross that line until after they graduate. And even then, she proceeds with caution, knowing that they still might have friends in her school. Does she really need her kids knowing that she likes to drink beer and party? Hells to the no. It’s none of their business, and only undermines the precariously thin authority she has over them. Teachers, go to school, teach, and go home. Let the kids be stupid on their own. I once had my MOTHER as a teacher. Try getting HER to give you some Crown and Coke.

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JANUARY 9–Eager to try out a new prescription for the erectile dysfunction drug Cialis, a couple in their fifties is facing indecent exposure charges after they were caught having sex on a balcony at a family resort in South Carolina. William McGinn, 57, and Patricia Scott, 53, were arrested Saturday afternoon when other vacationers at the Breakers Resort spotted them engaging in a variety of sex acts on their third-floor balcony, according to a Myrtle Beach Police Department report. One witness told cops that McGinn and Scott ignored requests that they take it inside, away from the view of guests, including children. When police confronted the couple, they claimed that onlookers were just “jealous,” adding that if other guests “did not want to see them, then they didn’t have to look.” McGinn told officers that he had just received his Cialis prescription and, “he and Scott were in love.” As she was being placed in a patrol car, Scott complained to one cop that she and McGinn were “just f**king” and “didn’t see the problem.” McGinn and Scott were booked into the Myrtle Beach Police Department jail.

Ah, my home town. There just so much wrongness here. Let’s begin.

  • They had sex on a balcony of a major hotel. I know The Breakers. I’ve been there many times. It’s RIGHT on the beach. If you throw a rock hard enough, you’ll hit a jellyfish. Balconies have concrete floors. C’mon, surely there was a better spot than that.
  • They had sex on a balcony of a major hotel in the middle of the afternoon. Are these people insane? Honestly! I realize that this is the off season in Myrtle Beach, but there’s still a ton of folks down there, just walking around in the sun and vacationing without the crowds. For the love of common decency, take that shit inside! And to claim that people were “jealous” and “didn’t have to look” is about the dumbest thing I’ll hear all week, and I plan to listen to President Douche tonight, so you KNOW that’s saying something! People ASKED them to go inside so that CHILDREN wouldn’t have to witness this bestial rutting, but noooooooooo. He had Cialis, and they’re in love, therefore everyone should watch this display of humpback whale mating. And on the third floor, that shit is unavoidable. I’d say “get a room”, but they already had one that they weren’t using, the inconsiderate fucks.
  • They had sex on a balcony of a major hotel in the middle of the afternoon and they’re in their FIFTIES! This is some shit you’d expect to see with a couple of 20 year old, not people half past a C-note. How awful! I’m gagging at the thought of it. And this wasn’t Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at age 50, either. These were some nasty-ass, white trash, broke down, 1988 Chrysler LeBaron owning, “Press Your Luck” watching, finger sniffing, WIC check cashing, grain alcohol drinking, flip-flop in the winter wearing, Member’s Only jacket sporting, flea ridden skank bastards who should’ve considered fucking in the shower, ’cause at least their sewer asses would’ve been CLEAN then. Look at this nonsense:


No. Just…no. They should be embarrassed to even be seen CLOTHED, much less naked. I wouldn’t have sex with her if there were winning lotto numbers in her vagina. Ack.

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ST. PETERSBURG, Fla., A Florida woman who was struck by a falling bullet on New Year’s Eve has her bra to thank for stopping it. WTSP-TV, Tampa Bay, reported that Debbie Bingham was enjoying the New Year’s fireworks when she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder “I grabbed my shoulder and noticed I was bleeding,” she said. “And then I pulled my blouse back and saw the big hole and realized that it was a gunshot.” But Bingham’s bra had stopped the bullet from reaching her skin. “The bullet was halfway inside of my bra, and the other half right on the tip of my skin,” she told reporters. “It was a very cheap bra. It wasn’t very expensive and I’d love to have a couple more of those bras.” Police still don’t know who fired the gun, WSTP reported.

Another case of breasts saving lives. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: ladies, don’t lament your large mammaries. Love them. Cherish them. Sure, they get in the way when you’re golfing or playing tennis, and some of you may get black eyes when you jog, and it can be hard to get comfy in the bed at night, but aren’t those small prices to pay when they can literally stop bullets and shrapnel? LOVE YOUR BREASTS! Don’t listen to those idiots who say “more than a mouthful is a waste”. They just don’t know what to do with the rest. Embrace them. Hug them. Squeeze them. Press them together. Touch them. Lick—OK, I think I just exited “Adore” and entered “Creepy”. My bad. At any rate, don’t buy into the societal standard that there’s such a thing as too much boobage. Well, maybe there IS such a thing as too much.


This…is too much. But I bet THESE puppies would stop antiaircraft fire.

Peace.

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