Oh.

My.

God.

I had heard rumors about this show, whispered quietly in corridors, far from the reach of caring ears. Eyes looked left and right before uttering the words, fearing reprisals from anyone within listening range who has any sense of decency and good quality television programming.

“Yo man, you heard about that show?”

Yes. I had indeed heard about it, but I thought it was just rumors and innuendo. But last night, around 1am, I was randomly flipping channels while avoiding the concept of going to bed, when I ran across it, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It exists.

The (White) Rapper Show.

Now, the simple fact that this cancellation waiting to happen was even on the air was enough for me to tune in, but as I watched, I noticed something peculiar.

No, not that they’re all white. I got that from the title. Give me SOME credit.

As the the wannabe rappers were all lined up, getting talked to by MC Serch from 3rd Bass (and to be real about it, I LOVED 3rd Bass back in the day. “Gas Face” was the damn BOMB. Word to the 3rd), I noticed that one of the rappers was wearing a shirt that looked aswfully damned familiar. In my travels with my band, I’ve encountered many other bands around the Metroplex (AKA the greater Dallas/Fort Worth area. Memorize that). The shirt the rapper was wearing was one for the band Pimpadelic, whom we’ve played with numerous times. Pimpadelic is notorious for their live shows, which back in the day included naked women performing lewd and lascivious and delicious sexual acts on each other on stage, blatant visible drug use, and other wild-ass activities. They are quite well-known around here, so when I saw the shirt, I recognized it immediately. It struck me as odd, though…Pimpadelic is a southern rock/Kid Rock style band, that uses some chicken-fried rap with its David Allen Coe worship. I respect them, ’cause they’ve been around a while and have made a name for themselves, but they are NOT the type of band one would associate with hardcore rap. As I looked closer, I immediately knew why that guy was wearing the shirt. And I laughed like a fucking banshee.

He used to BE in Pimpadelic! I KNOW THAT GUY!

His stage name is 100 Proof. Rumor has it that one night over in Ft. Worth, Pimpadelic was playing a show at one of the better venues there, when the lead singer, for some unknown reason (*coughnosecandycough*) took it upon himself to fire Proof and another band member — right in the middle of the show. While they were still on stage. For reasons unknown to this day, other than they somehow pissed the lead singer off. He’s about as stable as a bowl of jell-o being carried by a Parkinson’s sufferer during an earthquake.

I don’t know Proof intimately, but I’ve witnessed some of his…activities. And he doesn’t seem to embody the essence of real underground rap, not to me at least. I leave room for correction, though…perhaps this show will prove me completely wrong. But I laughed last night when Serch told him his rhymes weren’t complex enough. He managed to stay on one more week, since the guy who got kicked off decided not to write any rhymes at all during the elimination phase, basically guaranteeing his departure. Serch screamed at him and cursed him for taking up a slot that some other person would’ve killed for, and then screamed at the people who DID right rhymes to bring it ever week, or else. This show is a train wreck, full of people vying to become the next Eminem. spitting rhymes I could write half-asleep and after a dose of Vicodin. Say, that can be my rap name. Vicodin. Big Vike rockin’ the big mic, turn off the light ’cause you know my shit is tight.

Nah.

I’ll stick to rock.

Peace.

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