I swear…where does my job get the nerve to tell me that I have to WORK for a living? This week has been insane, and not in the “Clown Posse” way. More like the “in the membrane” way, because that’s exactly what I feel like. It’s been a crazy, crazy week:

Friday — Soccer practice for 7YO (while DWW went to 4YO’s practice). Was “entertained” for the entire hour and 15 minutes by a parent who didn’t understand that the white iPod in my hand is an indicator that I want to listen to A Tribe Called Quest more than want to listen to him prattle on about his son being in Select Football and Select Basketball and Select Track and Select Chess and Select Bobsledding and whatever else he has this poor kid in. The kid is 8, and his schedule looks like the tour schedule for The Rolling Stones. After that, I went to the studio and recorded until about 2am. Remember that list I showed you in my last post? Yeah, it went pretty much just like that, only without the batteries.

Saturday — TWO soccer games: first 7YO’s, then 4YO’s. Nothing remarkable happened at 7YO’s game, other than the loss they absorbed. However, at 4YO’s game later, there was a kid who was being a total dickwad. I realize that it’s harsh to call a 4 year old a dickwad, but that’s precisely what this little shit was being that day. Now, 4 year old soccer isn’t world-class. You can’t exactly teach those little kids a lot of plays, because they just won’t listen to you. They don’t even use goalies at that level….it’s simply for fun, exercise, and building skills. During some of the timeouts, this little asswipe kept walking over to our side of the field and taunting my son’s team! At age 4! He was saying “You’re losers! You’re morons!” as our coach was trying to get the kids to not put their fingers in their nose and to stay on the field the whole time. Finally, something snapped in DWW. She said “I’ve had enough of this.” She got up, walked onto the field, picked up the asswipe, and carried him over to his team, where she dropped him off and told the coach (who wasn’t paying ANY attention whatsoever) about his behavior. She was greeted with applause from the parents on our side when she came back. The funny thing was that our team was up by about 10 goals at that point, so that little kid either needs to learn good sportsmanship, or how to count.

I also cut the grass with my Back To The Future lawnmower on Saturday. As I was out there, quietly cutting the lawn and listening to my precious iPod, a Korean man and his daughter were walking down the street. He paused as he passed me, then crossed the street in my direction. Folks, I didn’t grow up IN the projects, but I hung out there, and I learned that when someone makes a beeline for your position from across the street, it’s best to be on guard. So I tensed up, pretending not to notice him, until I was sure that he was coming for me. He stood on the sidewalk for a moment, looking at the lawnmower like it was a magical lemur that shits Nintendo Wii’s, and finally initiated this conversation:

Him: “What that? Cut grass? What that?”
Me: “Yeah, it’s a lawnmower. It cuts grass.”
Him: “No power? No gas? How work?”
Me: “Uh, you just push it, and these blades spin around, and they cut the grass.”
Him: “No ‘lectricity? No gas? Just push?
Me (getting somewhat annoyed): “Yep. Just push. No gas.”
Him: “Very good for environment! I like!”
Me: “I like too! No gas, no noise! It’s nice!”

I had totally started talking like him. Satisfied, he walked away, and I went on about my business, and tried to remember how to talk in complete sentences.

That night we recorded more, until about 1am this time. Remember that list I showed you in my last…oh wait, we’ve covered that already.

Sunday — Soccer game for 7YO. His was the home team, meaning someone from the home team would have to ref the game. By now, I don’t even front – I just get my whistle, my stopwatch, my shinguards, my sunglasses, my bandanna, and my bad attitude and get ready to do it, ’cause NO ONE ELSE WILL. There’s one other guy there who is suppose to alternate with me. Curiously, he’s never around for home games, even though his son is on the team. Oh, he was all up in the spot on Saturday, when the team was away. On Sunday? M.I.A. His wife was there, and said “Oh, when I asked him if he’d watch the baby today, he didn’t protest at all. He didn’t mention reffing.” How fucking shocking. So I dragged-ass out there and ran around with these kids, trying to remember the difference between a goal kick and a corner kick and when to do a drop ball vs. a throw-in and all that noise. It was brutal, but the home team finally won a game, so I guess that makes it OK. I had more recording that night, but it was blessedly brief.

Monday — I took the day off. My head was pounding, and my soul was tired, so I called in and chilled out all day, playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Madden 07 and watching “16 Blocks”. Good movie. Mos Def did a great acting job, and Bruce Willis looked a whole lot like Jack Nicholson. It was a good day to reset, and I sorely needed it. No recording that day, which suited me fine.

Tuesday — Back to the grindstone at work, where they decided to reward my day off by giving me a swift kick straight up my ass. By the way, reason the word “assignment” is used for work is because it has “ass” right there in the word. But the day got worse when I found out my favorite dog died that day. He was an 11 year old german shepherd named Rocky, and I will miss him very much.

Honestly, Wednesday through today were kind of a blur. I had a deadline for today that I someone managed to meet, but all those things prevented me from giving you the quality posts and diatribes you yell and bitch about so richly deserve. I’ll hook you up double next week, mmmkay? Besides – there’s a whole blogroll chock FULL of folks to look at while you’re waiting for yours truly to update. Don’t be shy. And hey, I’m still updating Squirrel, Please, so go there in the interim. Be nice. I’ll be back next week.

Damn greedy baby birds, all cheeping at me. Shut up. I’ll feed you soon.