Evidently, my work gets numerous bomb threats. We get so many, in fact, that we have an official policy on what to do if someone calls in with a credible threat against the building or people. I mean, what does that say about what we do at work, when we have ROUTINE bomb threats? And no, I don’t work at an abortion clinic or at Microsoft, so don’t ask. When some irate customer calls in, we’re asked to keep him on the phone for as long as we can, and write down any pertinent information we hear, like where the bomb is and does Damian get a free pass since he’s only been here 10 months. We jot all this down calmly and neatly on a form that was made JUST for this very event. For your amusement, I decided to go ahead and show you what the official form looks like.


Pretty, ain’t it? I mean, can you imagine keeping a mad bomber on the phone long enough to gather all this intel? So I decided to fill in this form in a manner befitting my own personality and style. Check it:

Word. I’m thinking of just keeping one of these on standby, just in case.