Happy One Day After Silly-Ass Valentine’s Day! I generally despise this fake and manufactured holiday on the basis that there’s enough real shit to be giving gifts and cards for that we don’t need this extra pressure and expenditure of cash, but I know many of you adore that day, so I’ll try to tone down the cynicism. This time. I wasn’t feeling the love yesterday, so I decided to flip the script and utilize the opposite emotion (which rarely gets a workout here in Damiana). Given my general mood over the fake holiday, or “fuckaday”, I decided to cheer myself up with one of my favorite past times of yesteryear: hating Duke University.

I have to give mad props to HotDrHusband, who had me ROLLING last weekend after watching this video. If you hate Duke University, this will pretty much be the video equivalent of an intense orgasm while winning the lottery to you. If you love Duke…well, watch it anyway and learn from the lessons being taught. Don’t hate the player…hate the game. And the school. My personal hatred of Duke began in college, where the Dookies were one of our conference rivals. They sucked at everything except basketball, and they made up for their general sucknicity by constantly pointing out their basketball superiority to anyone within earshot. I remember an incident when Duke played a basketball game in Clemson one season, the last season Christian Laettner was on the team. Some friends of mine were standing near one of the baskets, hurling insults at Laettner each time he lumbered down to that end of the court. Their goal? To fuck with him. I never got the full story about what they said to him, but whatever it was, it was so vile, so debased, so full of vitriol that after making a basket, he actually turned to them and said “What the FUCK, man?” I shed a single tear when I heard that. They made me so proud. Hating Duke isn’t just an activity…it’s a hobby. Fark.com (where I get the majority of my diatribe material) makes a point of saying “Duke sucks” at least a few times a day on their sports page. Hating Duke is a tradition that is and should be passed down from generation to generation, like and sickle cell anemia and making good sweet potatoes. Have you ever been to the Duke campus? It’s gorgeous, unless you need to go to the store or get gas or something, because as soon as you step foot off of its idyllic setting, you’re in the hood deeper than Snoop Dogg at his high school reunion. Durham, N.C. is so rough that some people call it “Do Run”. Even the carjackers carry mace in Durham. If you have to walk down the street there, go ahead and dial “9” and “1” on your cell phone, and keep your thumb on the “1”. Wanna know why the medical treatment and emergency response is so damn good in Durham? Because it has to be. Perfect setting for the school I love to hate.

I hate Duke, and it sucks for me personally because my best friend went to Duke for grad and medical school (yes, both), and still works there now. I love my boy, even though he makes questionable educational decisions, so if you’re reading this…just shut down your browser, man. This is gonna be rough. For the rest of you?

Enjoy.

Feel my hatred.

Peace.

The Not Safe For Work (also known as the Funny) version

The Safe For Work (or the Watered Down) version

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