What up, folk? I hope everyone is having a restful and relaxing Labor Day today. For those of you outside of our illustrious borders, Labor Day might be somewhat of a mystery to you, like Arbor Day and why sweat doesn’t really smell when it’s on your skin, but reeks in your shirt. From the great and wise Wikipedia, here’s the definition of Labor Day (or Labour Day, if you’re Canadian. Silly Canadians.):

Labor Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the first Monday in September. The holiday originated in 1882 as the Central Labor Union (of New York City) sought to create “a day off for the working citizens”. In Canada, Labour Day has been celebrated on the first Monday in September since the 1880s. The origins of Labour Day in Canada can be traced back to April 14, 1872 when a parade was staged in support of the Toronto Typographical Union’s strike for a 58-hour work-week. The Toronto Trades Assembly (TTA) called its 27 unions to demonstrate in support of the Typographical Union who had been on strike since March 25. Toronto Globe hit back at his striking employees, pressing police to charge the Typographical Union with “conspiracy.” Although the laws criminalizing union activity were outdated and had already been abolished in Great Britain, they were still on books in Canada and police arrested 24 leaders of the Typographical Union. Labour leaders decided to call another similar demonstration on September 3 to protest the arrests. Seven unions marched in Ottawa, prompting a promise by Prime Minister Sir John A. Macdonald to repeal the “barbarous” anti-union laws. Parliament passed the Trade Union Act on June 14 the following year, and soon all unions were demanding a 54-hour work-week.

There’s more to the Canadian part, but it’s incredibly dull. Either way, both our neighbors to the north and we Yanks are celebrating a holiday by doing not a damn thing, and that’s just how we like it.

Not to be forgotten is the beginning of Ramadan, the Islamic month of fasting (sawm), in which participating Muslims do not eat or drink anything from dawn until sunset. I would never begrudge another person’s religion, but I’d miss bacon way too much to fast for a whole month. Factor in the fact that Muslims don’t eat pork anyway, and I’d be faced with pretty serious dilemma.

Ð As has been the routine lately, not a whole lotta big stuff is going on. 9YO and 5YO made it through the first week of school intact, so that’s something that demands highlighting. In every school year since kindergarten, 9YO would have a meltdown of some sort on the 2nd day of each semester, without fail. We harped on that quite a bit over the summer and right before school began, and apparently some of it stuck. 5YO is getting adjusted to being in Big Boy School, but there’s not too much to report on that so far.

Ð I watched a fair chunk of the Democratic National Convention last week, and it was…interesting. Now, I call myself a Democrat, more or less, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered that I’m more of a Moderate Liberal, pretty close to the center. I’m liberal on lots of issues (like a woman’s right to choose and health care), but conservative on others (like capital punishment). After watching the DNC, here are my observations:

  • People always make shit out to be bigger than what it is. Obama making it to this point of the process is absolutely noteworthy, but newscasters, sniffing for Edward R. Murrow Awards, try to make it even bigger. As I was listening, one CNN reporter said “…this is truly an historic moment, one that will be remembered in the annals of history. African-Americans old and new are inspired by this noble candidate”. Now, I probably got the whole quote wrong, but that part in bold? Verbatim. Excuse me – what in the happy hell is a NEW African American? The only thing I could think of was a black newborn child, but I can tell you now that newborns are only inspired by whatever nipple is in their mouths, and very little else. Classic example of people talking before their brain decided to also participate.
  • Joe Biden is a pretty good choice for VP. He’s everything that Obama lacks, and that should go a long way toward his presidential aspirations.
  • Bill Clinton could convince snowmen to buy kerosene heaters and fireplaces. At full price. Love him or hate him, the man can talk, and is as charismatic and persuasive as any speaker I know of. If the rules allowed, he could probably run right now, on the Communist ticket, and still get a metric ton of votes. Hell, even I would hover my hand over his selection in that scenario.
  • HIllary looks old. These campaigns must take a serious toll on a person.
  • James Carville looks almost exactly like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. You doubt me? Check it:

Honestly, put Gollum in a $1000 suit and he could work on Capital Hill for 3 months before anyone would notice, and even then, people would like him better.

Ð How much does a 1992 Saturn SL2 cost, ladies and gents? I”ll tell you – $2000 over two months. At least that’s what WE have paid for DWW’s car recently, after a traffic accident and a gear shift pin that decided to go AWOL in separate incidents. Cars suck, especially when that Infiniti you’ve been eyeballin’ is still slightly out of reach. And by “slightly” I mean “HAHAHAHAHA! I can’t believe you seriously asked us for a loan for a car! Oh, my side hurts. Damn, you’re a funny dude, for real. WOO, that’s a knee-slapper. Now get out.”

Ð Elle and I had just about the most retarded text conversation in the history of ever, all on Sunday evening. It’s official: we’re old fucks. And insane.

Ð Have you SEEN the lineup for this season’s “Dancing With The Stars”? Holy shit, it’s like a male fantasy smorgasbord. Toni Braxton. Brooke Burke. Kim Kardashian. Misty May-Treanor. Those four alone are enough to make me wanna dim the lights and turn on some Jill Scott music. Throw in Cloris Leachman, and I’m gonna need new boxer-briefs. Rawr.

Ð Today we took both kids out on their bikes. 9YO still hasn’t mastered riding the bike, and that’s on me. I take full responsibility for that miss. So today, we were out in the yard, him riding up and down the grass while I ran alongside him. He had begun getting the hang of keeping his balance, so I moved him into the street so he could get more speed and not crush my sod. I helped him get going, and like a baby bird, he flew. He roared down the street with me hauling ass behind him, ready to avert disaster. But Disaster kept his ass on the couch, ’cause my kid biked until he decided to stop. Awesome. I caught up to him, caught my breath, then turned him around for the return trip. Just like before, I shoved him forward and away he went. This time, though, Disaster got his ass up off the couch and decided to oversee 9YO’s biking lesson. He veered off to the left, wouldn’t/couldn’t correct it, and crashed into someone’s car, even with me saying “Don’thitthecar, don’thitthecar, don’thitthecar!” over and over. He hit the car, and he might’ve dented it. A little. I quickly got him up off the pavement, asked him if he was OK (he was), and did what any responsible person in that position would’ve done – I hauled ass. I don’t know whose car it was, no one came running out with an axe handle, and I didn’t spot any obvious damage that might not have already been there, so we bolted. It was fun, though.

Alright, until next time, folks. Keep it real.