I sometimes utter words and phrases that may mystify you. Here’s where you come to get all de-mysted.

Positive Inference Model Perspective (PIMP) – states that I will infer that you’re my friend because you have done me no harm, and because I choose to believe that you intend me no harm.

It All Pays The Same (IAPTS) – I don’t get paid any less to do different aspects of my job, so I don’t bitch about having to do something I don’t like.

Idiotocracy – The ruling class of incredibly stupid people, like the Bush administration, ClearChannel, The Christian Right, and Barney.

Amsterdamians – Citizens of Amsterdam. In my world, at least.

Ni-gah – A Chinese expression meaning “you know”, usually used at the end of a sentence in conversation. It sounds like the racial epitepth, so I use it thusly.

Jonx – A prison word meaning anything. “Yo, gimme somma that jonx right der.” Like that.

Go! Bye! An expression indicating the desire of the speaker for the listener to go someplace else, and quickly.

Repeating Concept Principle the idea that a sentence or question must be stated an infinite number of times by a child to a parent before the parent can comprehend and respond correctly.

Meh – An expression of nothingness, of blah. It’s a nicer way of saying “whatever”.

Whatev – A shortening of “whatever”, because that “-er” is ENTIRELY too much to type.

Damiana – The mythical country over which I rule with an iron fist. And porn. And iPods.

Word mouth – An expression made by pressing your lips tight together and tilting your head to the side. Picture someone saying “Word.” and then getting into a B-Boy stance. That look on his face? That’s the word mouth.

Secret Squirrel – The art and act of secretly taking pics of someone in public for the sole purpose of later ridicule.

Bish – An alternative to saying “bitch”. Usually used when you WANT to say “bitch”, but you know that if you DO, you might find a 9 iron in your urethra.

GTFO – Get The Fuck Out.

Swayze – To leave; to depart. An older slang term from the 90s that Dark Damian sometimes uses to this day. “Yo, I’m swayze.” A reference to the movie “Ghost” starring Patrick Swayze, and a derivative of the slang term “ghost” meaning the same thing.

On the regular – Often or repeatedly.

Heffa – Heiffer.

Hormiga del fuego – Fire ant. The name I call Laurie that pisses her off.

Trifling or Triflin’ – To be annoying, difficult to deal with, or obstinate.

Seditty (suh-DIT-ee)To be stuck up, aloof, high-maintenance, or a bitch for no reason at all. Almost always applied to females, though some males are also seditty.

N.A.D.T. – Not A Damn Thing. Usually used as a response to “What’s up?”.