This year is the first year we’re going to let 7YO play organized sports. Being ADHD, he sometimes (read: every waking moment) has a hard time following instructions, or staying on task, or even listening in general. Even when medicated, it can be a challenge for him to focus, and we felt like this was a bad cocktail for organized sports. We had imagined scenarios where we’d go to pick him up from practice, only to find him duct-taped to a basketball pole with the word “No” written in sharpie on a 3×5 card. We were hesitant, to say the least.
But, he’s been talking about playing sports more and more, to the point where we know he really wants to. Basketball, football, soccer – he wants to do it all. Finally, we relented, and signed him up for youth soccer, which was fine with us, ’cause if he’s out on some field running around, maybe he’ll calm down at home and not try to stand on the commode or teach the dog how to eat food off the stove.
So, I was putting him in the shower last night, winding down the day, when we had this conversation:
7YO: “Dad, are you and Mom gonna come see my games when I start soccer in a couple of weeks?”
Me: “Of course, buddy. We wouldn’t miss it. Why WOULDN’T we come see your games?”
7YO: “I dunno. I thought maybe you’d just watch them on TV.”
(stunned silence)
Me: “TV? What TV, son?”
7YO (speaking as though I’M 7years old): “You know, the TV I’ll be on when my team is playing.”
Me: “Um, son? You won’t be on TV. You’re only 7, man.”
7YO: “Oh. (pause) What about when I’m in middle school?”
Me: “Maybe when you’re in high school, or college. See, soccer isn’t that popular in our country.”
7YO: “Why, Dad?”
Me: “Because it’s a girlie sport. If you wanna be on TV, you’ll need to play football or basketball.”
7YO: “Or hockey.”
Me: “Uh, no. Focus on the football and basketball. Daddy needs a big ol’ house.”
7YO (confused): “What, Daddy?”
Me: “Nevermind. Wash your hair.”
I promise, I won’t be one of those dads who berates the coaches and the umps and whoever else is there, trying to help my kid be a better player. Oh, no. I won’t live vicariously through my child.
But I will cash his checks for him. Hello, Mercedes S-Class!
Peace.
Almost Infamous 
18 comments
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August 25, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Laurie
Don’t forget the Bubba Keg.
You’ll need it.
Trust a bitch.
I have one in soccer, basketball and track. She’s the athlete.
The other one?
Not so much.
It pains me to watch her sometimes. Ok, fuck it…all the time. Hence the Bubba Keg full of Sparks goodness.
You will thank me.
August 25, 2006 at 5:40 pm
Elaine
Why couldn’t MY parents encourage sports or anything BUT nursing to me?
Seeing that the nurses in California are 99 percent Filipino, I figured that market was cornered.
And the fact that I run away screaming like a banshee at the sight of blood, shit, vomit or any type of bodily fluids..I’m thinking being a nurse wouldn’t have been my cup of tea.
Now had they encouraged me to be a professional karaoke waitress…CHA CHING! they SO would have retired at the Hamptons years ago!
August 25, 2006 at 6:04 pm
Debbie
Daddy needs a new house. Ha.
Soccer players in Europe make more money than any American athlete. You could have a nice villa in Italy, hmm?
August 25, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Cow Camp
What about the tailgate parties????
August 25, 2006 at 8:05 pm
fyrchk
What’s wrong with hockey Muhfucka?
August 25, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Dark Damian
Fyr: Hockey sucks. Bunch of guys on skates chasing a little black puck. I’m surprised more KKK members don’t play. Fuck hockey. (You are gonna kick my ass for that, I know.)
Tara (Cow Camp): I’m looking forward to tailgating. I’ll be completely obnoxious. Well, more than I already am.
FAL: A villa in Italy? I dunno. I’m still not over my last visit to Italia. Not sure if I’m ready to go back just yet. For sure, I’ll have to bone up on my Italiano. Or Italian. Whatever.
Elaine: Plus, you’re so short, you could bring the trays to the table on your head. Word.
L: Bubba Keg. Got it. Saw ’em at Wally World.
August 26, 2006 at 3:14 am
fyrchk
*staring…mouth hanging open…aghast*
August 26, 2006 at 11:15 am
Softball Slut
I want Season Tickets to the Longhorn Football when your son becomes rich and famous. We will show them how tailgating is done. I go to NASCAR every year I know how to Party. Word
August 26, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Dark Damian
2 things, SS –
1) I’m a Clemson man, and I’ll likely steer him that way, rather than UT. You never know, though – they do both wear orange.
2) I’m black. He’s half black. We have no frame of reference for NASCAR-style partying. Next time you go to a race, seriously count the black people. If you go over 10, I’ll give you a prize.
August 26, 2006 at 7:25 pm
dirk.mancuso
“But I will cash his checks for him.”
I have but two words for you:
Aaron. Carter.
By posting your intentions, you have virtually insured the sports version of “E! True Hollywood Story” and handed Pele Junior the case (when I first saw the title, I thought it said Pete Jr and I froze for a second).
August 26, 2006 at 8:01 pm
Mike
I have a daughter who has played soccer since she’s been 6 years old. She’s going into her senior year and plays almost year round. She may not make daddy rich…but it’s got her scholarship offers from colleges already.
August 28, 2006 at 4:46 am
Kav
DD: Don’t get me started on the “soccer is girly” thing. It’s just a segment of pussy-ish pros who dive after every challenge who give it a bad name. It’s a man’s sport, I tell ya!
*eagerly awaits humorous DD rebuttal*
August 28, 2006 at 6:23 am
NeverEnough
Wow, I had no idea soccer was considered “girly”.
August 28, 2006 at 9:25 am
Dark Damian
Dirk – I won’t be a Joe Simpson. I’ll be completely behind the scenes, merely enjoying the fruits of my son’s labor, rather than trying to insinuate myself into his dealings. Just gimme the cash. Keep the fame.
Mike – See, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s all about the scholarships.
Kav and Never – I only call soccer girlie because (a) a LOT of girls play it, and (b) My GOD, they whine a lot on the pro level. They are the most conditioned athletes, I’d have to admit. All that damn running. Fuck ALL of that.
The thing that makes me wrinkle my nose at soccer is the fanaticism on the international stage. People killing goalies, bringing swastikas to games, causing mass brawls in the stands, loudly (and in unison) insulting players’ heritage and ethnicity…that shit turns me off, and quickly. But here in the States, it’s alright.
And I promise not to diss soccer while I’m at a soccer match.
Much.
August 28, 2006 at 11:51 am
jali
It’s pretty cool that 7YO has the confidence to expect to be on TV even before his first game. Wonder where he gets that…hmmm.
August 28, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Softball Slut
DD – I am heading up to TX Motor Speedway in NOvember. I am going to take pics of every non white person there is. I want a prize. A BIG Prize. Word
August 29, 2006 at 5:44 am
Kav
DD: I hear you about the racial/ethnic insults – it’s a huge problem in the game. In fairness to FIFA (the governing body for the game), they are really cracking down on that stuff, and are putting alot of effort into eradicating it from the game.
Personally I think it stems from the type of people football attracts, moreso than the sport itself. It’s like a religion over here for some.
I keep forgetting to mail you – I have some golden diatribe material for you. I just know you’d have fun tearing these people apart.
August 29, 2006 at 7:31 pm
Metalchick
Becks has nothing on the DD son. Perhaps he’ll be THE soccer talent that propels the US into superstardom for World Cup 2014! hehehe. you never know… Gotta dream big!